I wish I knew
by Taiorami
Summary: Okay, if by chance you read it before I'm taking it down. Wait, no killing! I wanna redo it. I don't like it anymore. *Shrugs* Bare with me please?
1. How you felt

[Screams] I can't think of a title! I'll write a story for anyone who can give me a decent title!  
Dru-chan: Are you that desperate?  
YES! Anyway on to the real author notes  
  
I don't own. (Damn it all to hell!)  
  
I've noticed a weird pattern. Jake-San thinks Kenkeru is better, my sister Dru worships Daiken, and I am a hardcore Daikeru lover. Speaking of hardcore, this will have lemon (or lime) in some of the chapters. If this tweaks you feel free to push the 'back' button now. No about the lemon, this is my first one so don't criticize too badly. Unless you're a flamer in which case your opinion doesn't matter ^-^   
  
  
  
"Get away form me!" Daisuke demanded  
  
T.K. shook his head. He wasn't going anywhere until Daisuke heard him out.  
  
"Fine!" Daisuke shouted and turned to walk away. T.K. grabbed his arm and Daisuke whirled around and punched him.  
  
There was a long moment of silence as T.K. stared at Daisuke. He opened his mouth to apologize when T.K. pushed him into a tree  
  
"What the hell is you're problem?"  
  
"They hate me." Daisuke whispered  
  
T.K. blinked. He hadn't been expecting an answer like that. For the first time noticing Daisuke's distressed expression his tone softened  
  
"Who, Kari?"  
  
"Yes, no." Daisuke said quietly and T.K. could barely hear him. "I don't-everyone."  
  
"I don't hate you." T.K. said gently  
  
"Yeah you do." Daisuke said automatically "You love Kari and you hate me."  
  
T.K. shook his head "I do not love Kari."  
  
"You don't?" Daisuke asked skeptically  
  
"I don't." T.K. repeated  
  
"So who do you like?" Daisuke asked, putting his problem aside for the moment. T.K. blushed faintly and Daisuke grinned "If I guess will you tell me?" T.K. nodded "Umm...Yolie?"  
  
T.K. gagged   
  
"I see your point. How about Sora?" Daisuke guessed  
  
"No."  
  
"Mimi?"  
  
"That's almost as bad as Yolie." (AN: I hate that girl so much. Yolie not Mimi.)  
  
"My sister?" Daisuke said impatiently  
  
T.K. just stared at him blankly.  
  
"ME?!" Daisuke said clearly frustrated  
  
T.K. flushed guilty as Daisuke's eyes widened  
  
T.K. was gay...and even more than that he likes him. But he wasn't gay. He loved Kari.   
  
Noticing the panicked look an his face T.K. sighed "I'm not going to pin you to the tree and rape you or something." He grinned slowly "Unless you want me to."  
  
Daisuke paled and would have backed away but his back was to the tree.   
  
"I was only kidding." T.K. added quickly "I wouldn't do that."  
  
Daisuke looked relived until T.K. kissed him quickly. Daisuke pulled away and made a face of disgust.  
  
"You said you wouldn't-"  
  
"Pin you to a tree and rape you." T.K. broke in "I just kissed you."  
  
"Is that supposed to make a difference?"  
  
T.K. shrugged which only mad him madder  
  
"It doesn't make a differ-"  
  
Daisuke was cut off as T.K. kissed him again. Daisuke put his hand's on T.K.'s chest, intent on pushing him away, but T.K. grabbed both of his wrist and pinned them to the tree above his head. Daisuke stopped squirming when T.K.'s tongue found it's way into his mouth, and he groaned softly as one of T.K.'s hands rubbed him through his pants.   
  
T.K. directed his kisses away from Daisuke's lips and to his neck. Daisuke gasped and tried to pull his hands down, but T.K. held them firmly to the tree with his 'free' hand. With his other hand he started to undo Daisuke's pants but caught himself and took a step back. Daisuke slid down to the ground breathing heavily and T.K. sat next to him.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
Okay? Daisuke looked at him in disbelief. He had to admit, at least to himself, that he had enjoyed that and that if T.K. hadn't stopped Daisuke would have let him do what ever he wanted to him and smiled.  
  
"What just happened?"  
  
"Nothing you didn't want to. Except the first kiss." T.K. amended  
  
"I'm not gay." Daisuke muttered more to himself then T.K.  
  
"Are you bisexual?" T.K. asked. "Because I doubt you're straight."  
  
"Maybe...Not sure." Daisuke admitted. "Are you."  
  
T.K. shook his head "No, I'm just gay."  
  
"How can you tell the difference?" Daisuke asked  
  
"Umm...I don't like girls?" T.K. guessed  
  
"That was helpful." Daisuke said sarcastically "How did you know you were gay."  
  
T.K. shrugged. What did Daisuke expect? For someone to walk up to him and say 'You're gay'? T.K. just knew he was gay. Straight and Bisexual had never been an option to him.  
  
"Well, when I was eight I had a crush on Izzy."  
  
Daisuke snorted "Izzy?"  
  
"Yeah." T.K. said defensively "So?"  
  
"Nothing." Daisuke said "But how does that help me?"  
  
T.K. frowned as he thought about that. He leaned over and kissed Daisuke again.  
  
Daisuke blinked. How was this going to help?  
  
T.K. twisted around and pushed Daisuke to the ground. He smiled slightly and straddled Daisuke's waist. He tugged Daisuke's shirt off then kissed him again.  
  
Daisuke gasped as T.K. kissed his neck and chest. This may not be helping but it did feel good. Daisuke licked his lips as T.K. kissed his way down his body.  
  
T.K. smirked and sat up again "If you had a choice would you rather sleep with me or Kari?"  
  
"You." Daisuke responded without hesitation then blushed.  
  
"Well, like I said already you're not straight." T.K. said while getting off of Daisuke. "And if you were bi I think you might have actually thought about that."  
  
Daisuke's blush deepened "I figured I was gay when the idea of you pinning me to the tree seemed like fun."  
  
T.K. raised an eyebrow "Would you let me fuck you?"  
  
"..." Daisuke blinked "That's an interesting idea..."  
  
T.K. laughed and handed Daisuke his shirt. "You think about it okay?"  
  
Daisuke nodded and pulled on his shirt.  
  
"T.K. Daisuke, where are you two?"  
  
"Over here." T.K. called back "Zip up your pants."  
  
Daisuke re-did his pants then looked at T.K. a slight smile playing on his lips.  
  
"Are you busy later?"  
  
"No." T.K. smiled "I wasn't completely serious, though. We should probably talk before we do anything."  
  
"Okay." Daisuke agreed "Just be at my house around eight."  
  
  
  
Hum...well R&R wanted. Yeah, flames too. (My sister could always use the wallpaper)  
  



	2. What they'll do

I wish I knew pt2   
  
I don't own digimon.  
  
Over-rated? Probably. I wanted to scare away the flamers. I don't have an extinguisher. Anyway, on to part two. The dreaded talk. *Dramatic music plays from somewhere* Who's doing that! It's creepy. *Suspenseful music plays* QUIT IT! *Starts crying* That's scary! *Music stops* good. Umm...did you know spell check say's Daisuke is a word but Takeru isn't? Strange.   
  
Warnings: SLASH or Yaio. Take your pick. They mean the same thing to me. Lot's of flames.  
  
Archive: *shrugs* If you ask I'll say yes. I'm very agreeable and like to get e-mail.  
  
  
  
Daisuke stared out of his bedroom window thoughtfully. After what had happened earlier he couldn't sit still for more then a few minutes at a time and he could tell it was irritating everyone around him, though T.K. looked amused by Daisuke's constant movement.   
  
Daisuke could feel the blue eyes watching him the entire day and it only made him squirm more. He was really close to yelling at T.K. but that would have made for a very long uncomfortable silence afterwards. Complete with funny looks from his friends, and they already looked at him funny.  
  
Before the group had broken up, T.K. had pulled him aside and kissed him again, then said that he would come by later. Kari had seemed a little miffed that they had disappeared again, though it was only for a short time. T.K. had put on an innocent face and pretended to have no idea what she was talking about, then charmed her into forgetting she was the least bit mad at him at all.   
  
But Daisuke hadn't been jealous of course. He hadn't liked T.K. at all this morning and he only liked him a little bit more now. Or, maybe a little more then a little bit. And he might have been a little jealous. Or a lot jealous, but T.K. had said he liked him and then he had kissed him. And a few hours later he was flirting with Kari.   
  
He was perfectly justifed in being jealous in his mind.   
  
Sighing to himself he stood up and walked down the hall to the bathroom, stopping by Jun's room to tell her to let T.K. in if he came by while he was in the shower. Jun muttered about having a life of her own but nodded all the same.   
  
Daisuke walked into the bathroom and shut the door after him. Turning on the shower he wondered how things between he and T.K. were going to work from now on. Both he and T.K. could act like nothing had happened, but knowing T.K. he doubted that a lot, or they could get together, which Daisuke wouldn't mind too much.   
  
But if it didn't end well they might as well have pretended it never happened, except with a lot more tension and people knowing. And if it did turn out well and he and T.K. stayed together, at least until they finish up in the digital world, then what?  
  
What would they do? What would Daisuke's family do? Then again, other the Jun they pretty much ignored him. But T.K.'s family probably cared so what would they do with a gay son?   
  
'Unless they know he's gay.' Daisuke thought.   
  
They might already know. Matt probably knew at least. Matt and T.K. were pretty close.   
  
Daisuke swept some water from his eyes and sighed heavily. This was why he liked everyone thinking he liked Kari. No one expected him to get her, so there was never any complicated 'what ifs'.  
  
It was simple, exactly the way he liked things, easy and utterly simple.   
  
  
  
T.K. looked at Matt apologetically "I'm really sorry. I kind of forgot. But I guess I can call him and say I'm not coming..." The look on O.K.'s face said he really didn't want to do anything of the kind.   
  
"And make me the bad guy?" Matt shook his head "Go ahead, we can hang out later."   
  
"Thanks." T.K. said, smiling sweetly.  
  
"Whatever." Matt said sitting down on the couch "I'll just call Joe or something."  
  
"Kay." T.K. said, glancing at the clock.  
  
"So..." Something T.K. had said finally registered in Matt's brain "Did you say 'Him'? As in a date with a him?"  
  
T.K. flushed "You know I was planning to talk to you about that."   
  
Matt raised a skeptical eyebrow. He was willing to bet his digivice that T.K. had no intention of telling him anything about this.  
  
Seeing that Matt wasn't buying this, T.K. decided to try a different approach. "You didn't tell me you and Joe were dating 'till I saw you two kissing."  
  
Matt looked guilty. He didn't want to freak T.K. out so he had kept him and Joe a secret until a month or so ago.   
  
"Just...don't do anything I wouldn't do." Matt said finally.  
  
"And just out of curiosity, what wouldn't you do?" T.K. asked. "Because according to Joe's brother you two do quite a lot and do it none to quietly."  
  
Matt smiled slightly. He wasn't the loud one, Joe was. Reminding himself to call the blue-haired boy as soon as T.K. left, he corrected himself.   
  
"Don't do anything I would do."  
  
T.K. nodded "Looks like we'll actually talk then."  
  
Matt shrugged "Mind if I ask who 'He' is?"  
  
"Yes." T.K. said "And to keep you from asking I'm going to leave to go see 'Him'."  
  
Matt waved as his brothers retreating back then leaned over to pick up the phone. He dialed Joe's number and wondered if he got points with his boyfriend for giving his brother decent advice.   
  
And whom was the boy his little brother going to see? There were only so many possibilities. It was probably a digidestined and it wasn't Kari because she wasn't a he, which excluded the three other girls. So it was one of the boys and it wasn't Joe, because Joe was Matt's end of story. Somehow he doubted it was Iori, he was a bit to young and Tai was a little too old...and going out with Izzy. That left that Ken guy or Daisuke.  
  
Matt turned thoughtful at the last possibility. Maybe, opposites are said to attract and he and Joe were opposites. And the fighting could just be due to pent up stress and tension. It seemed like an option.  
  
He could always ask Joe what he thought.  
  
  
  
T.K. greeted Jun who waved hurriedly then ran out of the apartment, yelling that Daisuke was in the shower and that she had to go and their parents weren't coming home tonight and that Daisuke had to make dinner 'cause it was his day. T.K. grinned and nodded.  
  
Looks like they didn't have to worry about being interrupted by anybody. And a very cute redhead was in the shower. That was quite a set up if you asked him. For after they talked of course.   
  
Talk first; play later.   
  
He walked down the hall, following the sound of running water. Just as he was getting ready to knock on the bathroom door it swung open to reveal a towel clad Daisuke. The two boys stared at each other, blushes creeping into both of their cheeks. Daisuke shut the door in T.K.'s face, not that the blonde minded. He would have done the same.  
  
Either that or he would have...   
  
T.K. shook his head. "Very bad thoughts." He was going to have to do something about that. He pushed the image of Daisuke, with the towel around his waist and hair matted to his head, an attractive blush staining his cheeks, away. Then replaced it with an image of Angemon.   
  
Which lead to him seeing the shocked expression on Daisuke's face the first time he had seen Angemon. It hadn't been the boy's best moment but it had been funny.   
  
In the bathroom Daisuke had splashed cold water on his face. That shouldn't have happened. T.K. seeing him in a towel was not a good way to start this talk. There was no way he would be able to look T.K. in the eye now. No matter how beautiful those blue eyes were. And judging by his expression, T.K. would not be able to look him in the eye as well.   
  
After a few moments he opened the door again and found T.K. gone. Hoping that T.K. had gone into the living room Daisuke walked down to his bedroom to get dressed.  
  
Daisuke looked around for a minute. What was he going to wear? Sighing and muttering about acting like a girl he pulled something out his drawer. Okay, not that. He looked back in and groaned. It was all he had.  
  
"This sucks."  
  
  
A few minutes later that, in T.K.'s mind, seemed like hours Daisuke walked down the hall. T.K. took one look at Daisuke and fell off of the couch.   
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"Fine." T.K. said quickly, waving his hand to keep Daisuke away. He was holding his nose with the other hand.   
  
It took Daisuke all of five seconds to guess what was wrong, before blushing violently. "Nosebleed?"  
  
T.K. nodded then ran past the other boy for the bathroom.   
  
Daisuke sweatdropped. He knew he shouldn't have worn these clots. They were almost worst then the towel.   
  
T.K. scowled at the bathroom ceiling. What the hell was Daisuke doing wearing that? Those tight little shorts and skin-tight tank top were just as bad as the towel. He couldn't take that kind of stuff!   
  
  
  
Hum...I wonder why Dais doesn't have any other clothes. [Kicks one of Daisuke's pairs of Jeans under her bed] ahem...   
  
  
  
  
Daisuke flushed as T.K. walked back into the living room. T.K. looked at him out of the corner of his eye then sat in the chair opposite of Daisuke.   
  
"I'm sorry about that. It's the only thing I could fine."  
  
"It's okay." T.K. lied, careful to look above Daisuke's head   
  
Daisuke nodded then stared at the floor. "This isn't too awkward is it?"  
  
" About what happened before, Daisuke, I'm should apologize for umm..."  
  
"Groping?" Daisuke supplied   
  
"Uhh..."   
  
Daisuke shrugged. "It seems like a good word to me."  
  
T.K nodded. Okay, so groping was a good word, he didn't have to point it out, "Groping you in the digital world."  
  
Daisuke covered up a laugh with a fake cough. T.K. raised a questioning eyebrow at him.   
  
"It's just that you looked so defeated when you said that." Daisuke laughed. "Like you were admitting Veemon's cooler then Patamon."  
  
T.K. scowled at him "Can't you be serious for a minute?" Daisuke sobered up instantly and T.K. muttered under his breath: "And Patamon's better then Veemon any day."   
  
Daisuke snorted. "Sure he is."   
  
T.K. whispered something rather impolite and Daisuke started laughing again. T.K. sighed and smiled. It was proving hard to scold the laughing boy for not being serious in this situation. But they did need to talk about this.   
  
T.K. got up and walked over to Daisuke who stopped laughing and stared at him curiously. T.K. frowned slightly then thwaped Daisuke on the head.   
  
"Oww!" Daisuke shouted then glared at him "That's not going to make me like you you know!"  
  
"You mean you don't like me already?" T.K. asked, sounded wounded.   
  
"Honestly?"   
  
T.K. hit him again. "Be quiet."   
  
Daisuke growled but didn't respond. T.K. blinked.   
  
"I actually got you to shut up? Amazing." T.K. said then sat on the couch with Daisuke "Okay, I shouldn't have *groped* you without asking how you felt about me first. Or at least trying to find out if you were gay." A wry smile graced his lips "Though we've already discussed that. So, how do you feel about me?"   
  
Daisuke just stared at him then shrugged. "Don't know."   
  
"How can you not know?" T.K. asked   
  
"I don't know that one either."   
  
T.K. sweatdropped. "Sure..."  
  
"I like you." Daisuke said thoughtfully. "And in a more then friendly way, obviously, but other then that I don't know."  
  
"Good enough." T.K. said. "So we talked right?"  
  
"Yeah."   
  
T.K. nodded then put an arm around Daisuke waist and pulled him into his lap. Daisuke smiled as T.K. planted a kiss on his lips, then returned the kiss eagerly.   
  
T.K.'s tongue pushed past Daisuke's lips then flicked across the roof of his mouth before exploring deeper into his mouth. Daisuke groaned as the blonde's hand ran over his stomach then under his shirt.   
  
A sharp gasp forced the two apart and they turned. Daisuke went pale and jumped away from T.K.   
  
"Mom, Dad..." Daisuke stopped, trying to think of something then looked at T.K. for help. T.K. waved at the two adults.   
  
"Umm...Hi?"   
  
Tiffany Motomyia looked at her husband then back at her son and the boy he had just been kissing. She cleared her throat.   
  
"Daisuke, show your *friend* to the door. Your father and I will talk to you in a minute."   
  
Daisuke nodded. He and T.K. walked past his parents. T.K. pulled Daisuke into the hall with him.   
  
"Are you in trouble?"   
  
Daisuke nodded mutely.   
  
"A lot of trouble."  
  
Another nod.   
  
"Do you want me to wait outside?"   
  
This time Daisuke shook his head. He didn't want T.K. to hear what would happen next.  
  
"Should I call you later?"  
  
Daisuke shook his head violently and T.K. frowned.   
  
"They're not going to hurt you are they?"   
  
"..."  
  
"Dais,"  
  
"Daisuke!"   
  
Daisuke winced at his mother's biting tone then looked at T.K. He leaned forward and kissed T.K. hard. T.K.'s eyebrows shot up but he didn't offer any protest and kissed him back.   
  
Daisuke broke the kiss but stared in T.K.'s beautiful blue eyes for a moment then looked at the ground. His mother shouted for him again, this time she sounded almost murderous.   
  
"Dais, what's going to happen?" T.K. asked softly  
  
Daisuke turned around and went inside, but answered T.K.'s question before shutting the door.   
  
"I don't know."   
  
  
  
  
So what's going to happen to poor Dais-chan? How should I know? Go ask my muses!   
  
T.K: I vote for a happy ending!   
Izzy: I'm thinking Daisuke gets kicked out of the house by his homophobic parents.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Pain

I wish I knew: Pain  
  
I, Mi-san, being of unsound mind claim Daisuke and Takeru as my own. *Sticks tongue out at sister* See, I claim Dais as my own so you can't have him.  
  
Dru-chan: Hey, she did claim Dais-chan as her own. Bitch! *Smacks MI*  
Mi-san: Ouch! That hurt...I'm telling mommy!   
Dru-chan: You're almost 17 and you're still telling on me? How very sad.   
T.K.: She hasn't developed mentally yet, remember?  
Dru-chan: Oh yeah. Almost forgot.   
Mi-san: *-* okay, now that hurt my feelings. You do realize I'll have to take this out on Daisuke don't you?  
T.K.: WHY?! Leave my poor Daisuke alone.   
Mi-san: No.   
  
  
  
T.K. drummed his fingers on the table worriedly. It had been four days since he and Daisuke had talked and he hadn't seen the redhead since. Daisuke hadn't been to school, soccer practice, or out of his apartment as far as T.K. knew and now T.K. was worried. And he had a right to be.   
  
Didn't he?   
  
'He isn't my boyfriend, exactly. He said he doesn't know how he feels about me yet. I know how I feel about him though.' T.K. smiled a little. He knew he liked Daisuke, but it wouldn't do much good if Daisuke was in trouble because of him.  
  
What really bothered him though, was how meek and scared Daisuke had become when they had gotten caught. He could understand embarrassed and wary, but he had seemed flat out scared. In fact he had seemed more scare in that moment then the three years they had known each other combined. Kind of like he had known what to expect and it wasn't good.   
  
T.K. just didn't understand how anyone could be that scared of their parents. And it unnerved him even more because Daisuke was all but fearless. Or at least that was the image he projected.   
  
Kind of like the image he projected.   
  
T.K.'s drumming became louder and a few kids in his study hall looked up. T.K. didn't bat an eye in their direction and proceeded to ignore everyone around him. This wasn't new of course, he really ignored everyone and put up a mask to hide his true feelings and he preferred to keep it that way.   
  
But then there was Daisuke, who was putting up a front as well. Now that T.K. thought about it, it was fairly obvious that Daisuke was just pretending. T.K. had to wonder what he was like underneath. If Daisuke was like T.K. he was almost the exact opposite of the mask he put on for everyone else to see and, for most people, to hate.   
  
  
Taiorami: Hence my excuse for major OOCness in later chapters.  
  
  
So Daisuke might be sweet and vulnerable...or alone and scared. But what was Daisuke so scared of? He couldn't be scared of his parents. It wasn't like they did anything to him. Or at least T.K. didn't think they did. But, he had to be right. Why would Daisuke's parents hurt him?   
  
Maybe they don't like what he is. Or what he might be   
  
'No, I'm just overreacting a lot. Daisuke's parents are not going to hurt him' T.K. frowned a little. Yes, he was just overreacting.   
  
Wasn't he? (*coughs* No, he isn't)   
  
T.K.'s drumming became even louder and almost the whole room was looking at him. Kari and Miyako had stopped their whispering to stare at him in surprise. They had noticed T.K. was acting funny and the worried expression on his face was making them very uneasy.   
  
"Fuck this." T.K. said louder then he intended to. Cursing to himself he grabbed his stuff and stood up. The teacher rose from his seat as well.   
  
"Where are you going Mr. Takashi?"   
  
"Home." T.K. growled. He choose to ignore the teacher shouting for him to come back and the excited chatter his leaving was starting among the students. He was going to in trouble when he came back to school but he'd worry about that then. Right now he was in major need of some air.   
  
He headed out the side door. There wasn't much sense in getting caught and sent to the office. Ms. Knight, the principal, had threatened to expel him if he did anymore stuff.   
  
"Shouldn't you be in class T.I.?"   
  
T.K. looked towards the voice and his mouth dropped open. There was Daisuke, leaning against the wall and smiling like nothing was wrong. His brown eyes were dark with some unknown emotion but his wide smile canceled it out. T.K. blinked before speaking.   
  
"You're okay!" T.K. smiled a little then cocked his head off to the side thoughtfully. "Well, except for..."   
  
Daisuke's smile wavered a little and he stood all the way up. "What?"   
  
"I'm willing to bet your brain still doesn't work right." T.K. laughed.   
  
"Ha. Ha." Daisuke said humorlessly. He had been worried for a minute. "So what are you doing out here? I didn't take you for the type to ditch class."   
  
"I was bored, told the teacher fuck this, and left." T.K. said, managing to tell all of the truth, with a little bit of lying involved. "And what about you?"   
  
"Going to my office." The very pissed off voice of Ms. Knight said from behind T.K. Daisuke just sighed and walked towards the door. T.K. on the other hand had to add a little something.   
  
"Shit."   
  
Ms. Knight raised an eyebrow and T.K. fell silent. He looked at Daisuke as they walked down the hall. The redhead was pouting cutely and T.K. had to smile again. 'I wonder what would happen if I kiss him right now? I bet he'd freak out.'   
  
Daisuke, feeling T.K.'s eyes on him, looked over at him. Blue eyes were sparkling with amusement and a familiar smile was playing on his lips. It was the smile Daisuke had seen on two previous encounters.   
  
"Don't even try it." Daisuke whispered then raised his voice some. "I'll smack you."   
  
Ms. Knight frowned. "What was that Mr. Motomiya? Did you just say you were going to smack him?"   
  
'Only if he asks nicely.' Daisuke said winking at T.K., silently asking the blond to play.   
  
"Not unless he want's me to kick his as-butt." T.K. corrected mock glaring at Daisuke, who was barely containing his laughter.   
  
Ms. Knight glared at both of them. "I have heard that you two do not get along but there will be no fighting in my school is that clear?" Both boys nodded reluctantly. "Good. I have to take of something so I want you to sit in my office until I get back. Think I can trust you?"   
  
"We'll be good." T.K. promised.   
  
"That's what worries me." Ms. Knight muttered, opening the office door for the two boys. "I know what being good means to you Takeru."   
  
T.K. blinked innocently and the principal sighed before leaving them alone. Daisuke raised an eyebrow at the sound of the door locking.   
  
"If I didn't know better I'd say she wanted to keep us here."   
  
"I wasn't planning on going anywhere anyway." T.K. whispered before kissing Daisuke gently. The redhead chuckled into the kiss and allowed himself to be pushed onto Ms. Knight's desk.   
  
"You do realize we're in the office right?" T.K. nodded and planted a few kisses on Daisuke's neck. Daisuke made an appreciative noise before returning to the subject. "And you do know if we get caught we're going to be in so much trouble?"   
  
"Okay." T.K. muttered biting Daisuke's neck playfully. "Anything else?"   
  
"No, not really." Daisuke said, putting a hand on T.K.'s cheek to direct his mouth back to his own.   
  
The kiss grew heated quickly as their tongues danced and explored each others mouths. Daisuke groaned softly as T.K.'s hand found it's way under his shirt. Finger's pinched hard nipples and Daisuke squirmed under T.K.'s touch. Daisuke's legs linked around T.K.'s waist and he pulled the taller boy closer to him. T.K. started working his shirt up and Daisuke shook his head.   
  
"Don't." T.K. stopped immediately and pulled away a little. Daisuke frowned. "We should probably stop now."   
  
"It's okay." T.K. said, smiling at the frowning boy. "If you want to stop, I'll stop." Daisuke returned his smile weakly. "You're just to cute to resist."   
  
"No, I'm not." Daisuke said pushing T.K.'s hand, which was resting on his thigh, away. "There are things that you don't know."   
  
"Things that make you not cute?" T.K. raised an eyebrow. "Somehow I doubt that."   
  
"You may think that." Daisuke sighed and pulled T.K. towards him again. He didn't have the intent of kissing him; he was just making sure he was listening. "But you don't know and I do."   
  
"So tell me." T.K. said wondering what the problem was. It was startling how a simple kiss could turn so serious so quickly.   
  
Daisuke shook his head. "I can't."   
  
T.K.'s lips brushed over his own lightly and his arms went around Daisuke. They were running down his back when the redhead yelped in obvious pain, changing T.K.'s worry into alarm. Daisuke closed his eyes tight and pushed T.K. away from him completely.   
  
'No no no...I don't want him to find out. Go away, go away, go away." Soft hands touched Daisuke's cheeks and tears escaped his eyes. T.K. drew in a sharp breath.   
  
"What's going on? Are you hurt?" Daisuke didn't respond and T.K. didn't think he was going to. He reached down and started to pull up Daisuke's shirt.   
  
"Please, just go away." Daisuke whispered cracking open an eye.   
  
T.K. ignored Daisuke's request and looked at the part of Daisuke's chest that he had exposed. He blinked almost uncomprehendingly then looked up at Daisuke who was now officially crying. T.K. frowned and ran his finger along a purplish bruise on Daisuke's chest. There were more of them and not all of them were that color. Some were dark and bright red, most likely new. Others were gray or black probably old ones.   
  
T.K. let the shirt fall and he frowned. He didn't know what to do now. Someone was hurting Daisuke, but that was all he knew.   
  
"Dais..." He got a sob in reply. "Please stop crying."   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Breakdown

I wish I knew: Breakdown.  
  
Don't own anything but my very sick mind.   
  
You know I want to know why they're abusing him too. I think we'll find out in this chapter. And on a lighter note: I finally have a plot!   
T.K.: You do? Great...  
Well, I thought it was a good thing.   
  
  
  
Ms. Knight walked back into her office to find T.K. sitting in a chair with a half-asleep redhead in his lap. Daisuke's head was on T.K.'s shoulder so she couldn't tell that he had been crying.   
  
"You're both suspended." She announced sitting behind her desk. "Takeru, I told you if you got in trouble again I was kicking you out and Daisuke this is the seventh time you've been caught skipping school." Neither boy responded and Ms. Knight finally took a good look at their position. "And I'm not going to even ask why you're sitting like that."   
  
"Okay." T.K. said looking up from his friend for the first time in over ten minutes. "Should we leave now?"   
  
"That would be best."   
  
T.K. shook Daisuke a little. "Time to go." Daisuke nodded and stood up. He didn't look at Ms. Knight and headed out of the door silently. T.K. was about to leave as well when Ms. Knight spoke again.   
  
"Is something wrong with Daisuke?"   
  
T.K. looked at her over his shoulder. Something flashed in his eyes and he looked ready to say something then he shook his head. "Everything's fine I think. Why?"   
  
"Just wondering." The green-eyed woman said leaning back in here chair some. "That is my job you know and you two do seem close."   
  
"Maybe." T.K. said then left the room. Daisuke was standing outside the office eyes trained on the floor. He didn't look up when T.K. walked out. "Do you need to grab anything out of your locker?" Daisuke shook his head no and T.K. nodded. "We're going to my place."   
  
"Okay."   
  
  
  
"Mom!" T.K. shouted. No answer. "Guess she's not home." Daisuke leaned against the wall wearily and looked up at him.   
  
"Did you tell her?" T.K. blinked. "Ms. Knight, did you tell her about this?" Daisuke's voice took on a note of despair. "Please tell me you didn't."   
  
"I didn't." T.K. said scowling at the wall. "I should have though. I mean if someone's hurting you don't you want them to stop?"   
  
"Of course." Daisuke said gaze falling to the ground. "But 'they' are my family as much as the hurt me. I don't want them to get in trouble."   
  
"Why not? They'd deserve it!" T.K. shouted, sounding harsh though he didn't mean it. But whether or not he meant it wasn't what was important to Daisuke. The fact that T.K. was shouting at him made Daisuke wince. He hated it when people yelled at him.   
  
"Don't yell. Please." Daisuke said softly. "My parents always yell at me when I make them mad."   
  
"Sorry but-" T.K. stopped and stared at him. "When you make them mad? Is that why they hurt you?"   
  
"Sometimes." Daisuke said then shook his head. "I don't want to talk about this."   
  
"I don't really care about that." T.K. said a hint of anger returning to his voice. "I care about you and want to know what's going on."   
  
"No. No no no no! You don't care about me and you don't want to know and I don't like you and it's fine! Everything is fine." Daisuke slid down the wall as tears started to flow again. "I just do bad things and they try to fix them because they care."   
  
"Shut up." T.K. ordered taking a few steadying breaths. Daisuke's parents abused him because they cared but when T.K. said he cared he didn't? That didn't really make sense. Was he supposed to hit Daisuke instead of kiss him to show he cared?   
  
"I made you mad." Daisuke said looking up a trace of fear in his wet brown eyes.   
  
T.K. cringed as he caught on. Daisuke thought that T.K. might hit him. "No, you didn't. You've just confused me a little bit. I don't understand and you won't help me."   
  
"I'm not supposed to tell." Daisuke said biting his lip. "I'll get in trouble and they'll be mad at me again."   
  
"I won't let them hurt you." T.K. promised. "I'm not planning to let you out of my sight for a while, but if you want me to help you, you have to talk to me and tell me why they're doing this to you."   
  
"I make them, my parents, mad sometimes. I do bad on test, I yell at Jun, I sit around and write all day, I'm lazy, I'm always disappearing, I'm...gay." Daisuke's voice cracked. "I'm stupid and I never do anything right. I talk to much and I'm loud, I can't sit still and I don't appreciate what they do for me because they're just trying to fix it and make it better because they're my parents and they care."   
  
"Did they hit you for kissing me?" Daisuke nodded and T.K. sighed. "When don't they hit you?"   
  
"When I sit at home and don't make a sound." Daisuke said hollowly. "When I'm being perfect like Jun. Jun's perfect and never does anything wrong, I should be more like her."   
  
T.K. looked the other way, not wanting Daisuke to see how disgusted he really was. "But you don't want them to get in trouble?"   
  
"No, I don't." Daisuke confirmed.   
  
"You're staying here from now on." T.K. said roughly. "That's the only way I'm not telling."   
  
"Okay."   
  
"I think, I need to go to bed, so get up and come on." T.K. didn't look at him as he walked down the hall to his bedroom. He kicked his shoes into a pile of clothes then collapsed onto his bed. He looked up then. Daisuke was standing in the doorway looking nervous. T.K. made a 'come here' motion.   
  
"In the bed with you?"   
  
"That's the general idea."   
  
Daisuke swallowed and wiped at his eyes before walking over to T.K.'s bed. He sat down cautiously and T.K. pulled him down the rest of the way.  
  
"I don't bite."   
  
Daisuke turned so he was facing the blond who was watching him intently. He closed his eyes and stifled a yawn as the tired feeling he had been ignoring for four days finally won. It wasn't long before he was in T.K.'s arms fast asleep.   
  
T.K. frowned as his fingers tangled themselves in the spiky red hair of the sleeping boy. He knew things weren't going to end this simply but he really didn't want to find out how things could possibly get any worse for Daisuke as he was sure things would soon do. Daisuke didn't deserve any of this. No one deserved any of this.   
  
But what he thought wasn't going to change what was going on. He was going to have to change things on his own. He was going to protect Daisuke from now on.   
  
'Mom is not going to like this'   
  
  
  
T.K. woke a few hours later a dazed expression on his face. Something had woken him up but what was it? A soft whimper gave him his answer. Daisuke was shaking in his arms and a pained expression was on his face.   
  
"Please don't hurt me anymore. I'm sorry I'll be good."   
  
'Oh, he's having a bad dream.' T.K. sighed and held the other boy's shoulders then shook him gently. "Wake up Dais, it's okay."   
  
"No, I'll be perfect, just don't hurt me. NO!" Long silence. Heavy breathing. "T.K.?"   
  
"Are you oka-"   
  
T.K. didn't finish as his door opened and bright light filled his room. He blinked a few times and stared at his mother and his brother. Both looked worried but that quickly changed to surprise when they realized he was in bed with Daisuke.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. The truth

I wish I knew: The truth  
  
You should all rejoice in the fact I don't own Digimon! I mean, could you imagine the horrors I'd put them through?   
  
No, you can't go insane yet! I still need you all to read this story and help my low self-esteem.  
Izzy: You mean you still have self-esteem? I must not be doing my job then.   
T.K.: [Is no longer talking to Taiorami]   
Well, fuck you! Damn muses, can't ever just help me out! And people wonder why I'm so cranky. *Looks at floor* Hey, who's cleaning up this paper? And yes, Daisuke's parents are total bastards and no, T.K will not hurt Daisuke. Where the hell did that come from? Honestly.  
  
  
  
There was a long surprised silence and T.K. sighed. Today was really not going well. Suspension, finding out things he knew he should know, but didn't want to know, and now he had to explain why he was in bed with Daisuke with out telling exactly what was going on.   
  
"Takeru, what's going on?" Ms. Takashi asked finally.   
  
"Nothing." T.K. said trying to ignore the fact his mother had used his full name. "We weren't doing anything if that's what you're asking."  
  
"Uh hu." Was the skeptical reply. "Matt made dinner so why don't you two come eat?"   
  
T.K. nodded and his mother walked back towards the kitchen. Matt leaned against the door looking thoroughly amused at the turn of events. T.K. scowled at him.   
  
"What're you doing here?"   
  
"Joe went out of town and I hate staying at the apartment alone, so I thought I'd spend the week with my favorite brother" Matt explained. "What about you Daisuke?"   
  
"Uhhh..." Daisuke looked at T.K. who shrugged. "No reason."   
  
  
  
A few hours later the four people were sitting in the living room, everyone looking uncomfortable.   
  
"Are you mad?"   
  
Ms. Takashi shook her head a little. "Just, next time you want to bring your boyfriend home, ask first."   
  
"Is it okay if Daisuke stays a while?" T.K. asked looking at the redhead. Other then what he had said to Matt Daisuke hadn't spoken. T.K. guessed he was still a little shaken up by his dream and wasn't in the mood to talk to anybody.   
  
"In your room?" Ms Takashi asked giving T.K. a look that said don't push it. She could adjust to her son having a boyfriend, she had done it once before, and she didn't mind said boyfriend being here, though finding the two boys in the same bed was a bit disturbing, but the two of them sharing a room for a while was a bit much. That was beyond pushing it.   
  
"Mom, we won't do anything and he really needs a place to stay. It's important!" T.K. said, now considering whining. He didn't want to use that tactic in front of Daisuke, but he was prepared to do so. It always worked and his mom was always really nice for at least three days afterwards.   
  
"Why is it so important?" Matt said, asking the obvious question.   
  
Dead silence. Daisuke whimpered softly and trained his gaze on the ground. He didn't want anyone else to know about this. He really didn't want T.K. to know about this either but it seemed a bit late to do anything about that. What was done was done.   
  
"Trust me?" T.K. asked casting a worried look at Daisuke. "You know I wouldn't ask if it wasn't really important and this is *really* important. I just can't tell you why."   
  
"But you want me to trust you?" Ms. Takashi said a stern look in her pale blue eyes.   
  
"Yes." T.K. said, wondering if this had a snowball's chance in hell of working. He needed to keep Daisuke safe. It was partly his fault Daisuke had gotten hurt in the first place.   
  
"I expect you to follow my rules Daisuke." Ms. Takashi said looking at the redhead who nodded a little.   
"And you have to help T.K. with cooking and cleaning. I want you two to keep everything between you two at a 'we weren't doing anything' level."   
  
(Hey, she's ruining what I have planned for like the tenth chapter! 0-o No fair!)   
  
T.K. smiled gratefully. "Thanks."   
  
"Mm hmm." Ms. Takashi said looking at the clock on the wall. "Go to bed, you've got school tomorrow."   
  
"Oh, yeah about that. We, umm, kind of got suspended."   
  
She sighed exasperatedly. "Of course. For how long?"   
  
  
  
  
At the Motomiya apartment...  
  
  
"Jun, have you seen your brother?"   
  
"Yeah, I saw him with that kid T.K. around two." Jun pouted a little. "You know Matt's younger brother." She was still a little disgruntled that Matt had chosen a boy over her. And a dorky boy at that! Not that she cared at all about Matt. She hadn't liked him in the first place. (Yeah, right)  
  
"Blond, blue eyes, taller then Daisuke, and kind of pale?" Mrs. Motomiya asked, shooting her husband an unreadable look.   
  
"Yup, that's him." Jun confirmed. "I think they were going to T.K.'s house. Why, isn't the squirt back yet?" She would never admit it but se did worry about Daisuke sometimes. He was her little brother and she wasn't completely heartless just a little naïve at times.   
  
"No, but if he's at a friends he should be fine."   
  
"Okay." Jun chirped, gathering up her schoolbooks. "I've got a test tomorrow so I should really get some sleep."   
  
"You do that dear." Mr. Motomiya said. Jun smiled at her parents before leaving the room.   
  
"Do you think he'll tell?" Mrs. Motomiya asked when she was sure Jun couldn't here.   
  
"No, I think we've convinced him it's for his own good." He husband said, shaking his head. "And it is of course. We only do this to make him better."   
  
Mrs. Motomiya nodded. "Of course."   
  
  
  
T.K. sighed and looked at Daisuke who was staring out of a window distractedly. It had been three days since his mom had agreed to let Daisuke stay and T.K. hadn't let his boyfriend out of his sights since. The blond smiled fleetingly.   
  
His boyfriend.   
  
Daisuke had admitted that he liked T.K., but that he was still confused about the way he felt and how he could really feel that was for another boy. But they were together all the same and T.K. was glad for that. Things seemed to be getting better but T.K. knew better then to believe that.   
  
Daisuke turned and locked eyes with T.K. He smiled. "What are you looking at?"   
  
"You, stupid. Is there anything else to look at over there?"   
  
"I am not stupid." Daisuke protested getting up and walking over to T.K.   
  
T.K. nodded unconvincingly and pulled a very willing Daisuke into his lap. "So what are you?"   
  
"...Cute?"   
  
"But I already knew that."   
  
"A tease." Daisuke suggested. He leaned back and placed a few kisses along T.K.'s neck. His tongue licked the pale skin and his fingers trailed over T.K.'s back.  
  
"God, I hope not." T.K. muttered wrapping his arms around Daisuke's waist. "Teasing is not well received." Daisuke laughed and pulled back some. T.K. blinked. "Hey..."   
  
"Someone's at the door." Daisuke said by way of explanation.   
  
"Matt, get the door." T.K. ordered.   
  
His brother looked up from his homework. "You're not doing anything you get it."   
  
T.K.'s eyes grew round and wet as he stared at Matt innocently. "Please...?" T.K. knew the puppy eyes always worked. He had to try them on Daisuke some time  
  
"Damn puppy eyes." Matt muttered getting up and walking away to get the door.  
  
T.K. smiled then turned his attention back to Daisuke. He shifted the redhead some then placed some kisses along Daisuke's jaw line. This of course was well received. T.K. was making his way down Daisuke's neck when a painfully familiar voice broke his concentration.   
  
"Well, I didn't expect this."   
  
Daisuke looked horrified at the sound of his sister's voice. Things were starting to go so well too. To well really. It was only a matter of time before everything went down hill.  
  
"What do you want?" T.K. growled tightening his grip on Daisuke in a possessive manner. He didn't trust Jun at all. He didn't have a reason to.   
  
"My brother." Jun said not letting T.K.'s tone get to her. "He needs to come home. The school called and our parents are worried. Not that it's any of your business."   
  
"No, he doesn't need to go home, I doubt your parents are worried and I'm making it my business." T.K. said eyes darkening with intense anger. T.K. couldn't believe she wanted Daisuke to go back to--   
  
"She doesn't know." Daisuke whispered. T.K. looked at him, mildly surprised. He knew Jun was thick headed but really. "Our parents would never let her find out about this."   
  
T.K. frowned and looked back at Jun. "He's staying here."   
  
Jun shook her head and looked at her brother. "Why don't you think less about screwing around with your boyfriend and more about your parents?"   
  
"I can assure you young lady, no one is screwing around. Not here anyway." Ms. Takashi said. She had left her room to see what all the noise was about. She was in the middle of an article and had asked everyone to be quiet. "And my son seems to think Daisuke should stay here, so I won't make him leave. If your parents are that worried let them know Daisuke is fine."  
  
Jun scowled, realizing she was out numbered here. She turned around and stalked out of the apartment angrily. Matt shut the door after her and walked into the living room a bit confused.   
  
"What was that?"   
  
T.K. frowned trying to think of something to say when he felt Daisuke shaking. Pushing the problem of explaining aside T.K. moved onto something more important. Trying to comfort Daisuke.   
  
"Shh, it's okay. I promise, it'll be fine"  
  
Daisuke's arms wrapped around him and he laid his head on T.K.'s shoulder. Matt and Ms. Takashi watched in shock as Daisuke cried in T.K.'s arms. T.K. looked up once wondering how he could explain all of this. Then he went back to Daisuke and that's where his attention stayed for the next few hours.   
  
Daisuke was sound asleep by six and his head was resting in T.K.'s lap. T.K.'s fingers were running through the spiky red hair when his mother walked back into the living room. She and Matt had taken he hint and left the two boys alone. Matt was out with Tai and Izzy she had been trying to work.   
  
"T.K., what's going on?"   
  
T.K. didn't look up but his fingers stopped moving. "What if you have a friend who has a secret that you know you should tell, but you can't? Do you tell or do you keep the secret?"   
  
"Well, it depends on how important this secret is." Ms. Takashi said sitting down next to T.K. "How important is this secret?"   
  
"Very." T.K. said looking up. "If you don't tell your friend might get hurt, but you promised that you wouldn't. And no matter how hard you try you know, deep down you really know, that you can't really protect your friend alone. So what should you do?"   
  
"You're too young to protect anybody. You're 15 T.K., it's not your job to protect Daisuke." Ms. Takashi said, knowing full well this was a pointless argument. T.K. would try to protect his friend no matter what she or anybody else said or did. That was the type of boy she had raised him to be.   
  
"He's so...I can't think of a good word." T.K. silently cursed not being able to express what he thought of Daisuke. "Almost fragile and innocent but not quite. He's not a jerk like everyone thinks and he's scared and alone and...why would anyone want to hurt him?"   
  
"Who? Who's hurting him?" Ms. Takashi frowned, an idea already forming in her mind. "I can't help unless you can tell me."   
  
T.K. blinked a few times. This must be where he got it. He sighed and shook Daisuke lightly. Daisuke made a noise of protest but opened an eye and peered at him questioningly.  
  
"I'm not spending all night on the couch so get up."   
  
Daisuke yawned and sat up. "'Night Ms Takashi."  
  
"Goodnight Daisuke."   
  
"I promised." T.K. whispered so Daisuke couldn't here him. That said T.K. followed his boyfriend back to his room. He had promised not to tell and he wouldn't unless he absolutely had to.   
  
  
  
"Hello?" T.K. greeted the four boys in the kitchen, not really sure who everyone was here. Joe was supposed to be out of town, lord only knew why Izzy and Tai were there, and...well he knew why Matt was here, but if Joe was back then Matt should have been back at their apartment.   
  
"Hi." Joe said, a wicked smile gracing his lips. He had developed a better sense of humor since going out with Matt. Now, whether or not this was a good thing was still undecided. "So, you've found yourself a boyfriend?"   
  
Okay, so it was a bad thing.   
  
T.K. shot Matt a withering look "When are you leaving again?"   
  
Tai, never on to miss out on a chance to tease someone, spoke up. "So who is the lucky boy? Or do you want us to guess?"   
  
"I want you all to go away." T.K. muttered looking in the cupboard for a bowl. "But since that isn't going to happen anytime soon, you can ask him when he wakes up."   
  
Izzy raised a surprised eyebrow. "You mean he's here?"   
  
T.K. nodded. "In my room actually. Who ate all the Corn Pops (tm)?"   
  
"He's here in your room, probably in your bed, and your mom doesn't care?" Tai asked.   
  
T.K., having decided on one sugar covered cereal that wasn't his Corn Pops, nodded again. "See, unlike you perverts, I actually control my hormones and don't have to sleep with somebody just because they happen to be in my bed."   
  
"But where's the fun in that?" Joe had to ask.   
  
"My boyfriend is allowed to sleep in my bed with me." T.K. said like it was obvious. "Where as you all had to move in together to get that privilege. We can share a bed and don't have to pay rent."   
  
All four of the older boys took a moment to consider that then assorted types of cereal were tossed at the younger blond who smirked.  
  
"You're just mad I'm smarter then you four combined. Then again Matt and Tai together don't equal a normal persons I.Q. so it does make sense."   
  
Daisuke chose that moment to walk into the room, rubbing his eyes sleepily, and inadvertently saving his boyfriend from Tai and Matt.   
  
Long pause. Muffled laughter. Loud snicker. Questioning look. Falling out of chair. Blink. Blush. Knocking at the door.   
  
Matt looked away from his fallen best friend and went to answer the door. Izzy stared at his boyfriend disdainfully and offered Tai a hand. Joe was still snickering and Daisuke was blushing cutely, in T.K.'s opinion anyway. (Mine too!)   
  
"Oh, hello Mr. And Mrs. Motomiya."   
  
The embarrassment left Daisuke's place and was replaced with fear. T.K. looked mad instead of amused suddenly.   
  
"Go get my mom."   
  
Daisuke nodded and left to get Ms. Takashi.  
  
"Did we miss something?" Izzy asked, wondering what was going on.   
  
T.K. nodded and looked out of the kitchen into the hall where Matt was talking to Daisuke's parents. The basic gist of it was that they wanted Daisuke to came home with them or else they would contact the police something T.K. doubted, because if Daisuke left then he could tell and wouldn't be breaking his promise.   
  
"Do you want something?" T.K. turned to see his mother standing behind him, with Daisuke half-hiding behind her.   
  
"Our son." Mr. Motomiya replied stiffly. "He needs to come home."   
  
"I don't think so." Ms. Takashi said looking a bit ticked off. "I don't know if you've noticed, but your son seems terrified of you and I see no reason to make him go."  
  
"That's not the point." Mrs. Motomiya said glaring at the brunette. "He should be at home with us, not here with your son."   
  
"Do you have something against my son?" Ms. Takashi asked frowning dangerously. It was too early for this and she wasn't in a good mood after last night.   
  
"Yes, he's taken our son from his home."   
  
"I did not." T.K. protested. "He wouldn't have come if it wasn't for you."   
  
Daisuke whimpered softly and moved so he was behind Ms. Takashi more. T.K. glared at his boyfriend' parents while moving to Daisuke's side. He put a hand on Daisuke's shoulder and pulled the redhead back to his room. Daisuke's eyes started to fill with tears as they sat on T.K.'s bed.   
  
"Don't cry, I'm not going to let anyone hurt you, and my mom's not going to let them take you, promise." Daisuke managed a tiny nod before crawling into T.K.'s lap.  
  
"Please don't let them hurt me."   
  
Five minutes passed, then ten and soon twenty. Then Matt stuck his head into T.K.'s room and two pairs of eyes stared at him questioningly.   
  
"Mom said he has to go."   
  
Daisuke broke down as soon as the words left Matt's mouth and T.K. held him close but didn't look away from Matt. Matt's gaze was on Daisuke for a moment then he looked up at T.K.   
  
"What are we supposed to do?" Matt asked. T.K. frowned and looked down at Daisuke  
  
"You have to tell them Dais." The redhead shook his head violently and T.K. continued to speak to him, using the same soothing tone he used when Daisuke cried, which was more often then Matt or his mother knew. "You have to or else you have to go back."   
  
Daisuke shook his head again and pulled away from T.K. "I can't."   
  
"Then I will."   
  
"Tell us what?" Matt asked as T.K. slid past him leaving Daisuke on the bed.  
  
T.K. didn't reply. Ms. Takashi looked back at her son grimly.   
  
"Where's Daisuke?"   
  
"Crying in my room." T.K. said through gritted teeth. "He can't go."   
  
"T.K., honey, he has to."   
  
"NO." T.K. said firmly. "You don't know what they're doing to him!"   
  
The Motomiyas paled a little at what T.K. was saying. Daisuke couldn't have told him, he wouldn't do that! Not after all the explaining they had done. It was for Daisuke's own good.   
  
Joe, Izzy, and Tai were standing in the kitchen doorway watching the seen, utterly confused yet knowing this was big. T.K. took a steadying breath, hoping Daisuke would forgive him for this.   
  
"They're hurting him. They hit him every time they think he does something wrong which is all the time. I've seen the bruises they've given him and they tell him it's because they care and he believes them and he made me promise not to tell because they would be mad at him."   
  
"I think you should go." Ms. Takashi said, completely disgusted. This is what she had thought the secret was, but that didn't do anything to ease her anger. Anyone who would hit their child didn't deserve to have children and especially not Daisuke.   
  
T.K. was back in his room before his mother spoke again. Back in the bed and back to holding Daisuke. Daisuke was shaking from crying as well as from fear.   
  
It wasn't over he could feel it. He knew this wasn't over as much as he wanted it too be.   
  
  
  
Yes, I'm ending the chapter here. Maybe even the story. Well, see ya bye and review if you want more!   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Where you belong

I wish I knew: Where you belong  
  
No, I still don't own but do you know where I can buy it really cheap?  
  
I was actually serious about stopping and moving on to a sequel later, but I'm scratching that idea. So no tickling! *Shudders* Scaring the author is not cool at all. But I do appreciate all the nice reviews that you gave me. They do make my little world go round. Sorry if this is short but I kind of tapped my creative brain cells writing something else today. Anyway on to the story and I hope you all still like it. This part is some much needed fluff. Much needed because I was going a little insane over here.  
  
  
  
T.K. walked into his room and shut the door quietly He was holding a glass of water and a few sleeping pills in one hand which he sat on the bedside table before crawling back under the covers with Daisuke. He laid a gentle hand on his boyfriends trembling form and forced himself to ignore the stinging in the back of his eyes. He had to help Daisuke so crying wasn't an option right now.   
  
But watching Daisuke cry for almost five hours straight though he had run out of actual tears a full hour before the crying stopped, hurt T.K. He wanted to make Daisuke 'better' and to stop whatever pain was making him cry like that, but he couldn't do anything. He felt like he couldn't protect Daisuke, which is what he wanted to do, and he felt helpless. And he hated feeling helpless almost as much as he hasted Daisuke's parents right now.   
  
The crying had stopped almost ten hours ago, thankfully. T.K. had been afraid Daisuke would make himself sick that way. Daisuke's shaking was now just trembling accented with the occasional sniffle. He hadn't spoken since this morning though, and T.K. wasn't sure if Daisuke was mad he had told. He had only done what he thought was right and followed his instincts. It's what he always did.   
  
"You told." Daisuke whispered bringing T.K. back to the present. Daisuke's voice was hoarse, but his tone was even and there wasn't a trace of anger present. If the redhead was angry with anyone it wasn't T.K. Honestly he was mad at himself.   
  
T.K. nodded and placed a few feather light kisses on Daisuke's neck. "Yes." He was glad to hear Daisuke's voice as hoarse as it was. The room had been far too quiet with the past few hours. He had been close to wishing Daisuke were crying again.  
  
Daisuke smiled little. "Thank you." He rolled over so he could face T.K. "I'm glad you told. And I'm sorry I was too scared to say anything."   
  
"It's okay." T.K. smiled weakly and planted a soft kiss on Daisuke's lips. "But it's not okay that you stay up past midnight. I refuse to take care of you if you make yourself sick."   
  
"Why do I get the feeling you'd do just to opposite?" Daisuke asked. He was almost positive that T.K. would watch him if he got sick. He'd probably complain the whole time, but he'd probably do it.   
  
"Maybe you know me too well?" T.K. suggested. Not waiting for a reply he let go of the redhead and reached for the sleeping pills.   
  
"I don't think I need four of them." Daisuke said. He sat up and took the water and two of the pills from T.K., who planned to take the other two himself. He doubted he was going to get any sleep without them and he didn't know if he would get any sleep with them.   
  
Daisuke swallowed the pills and made a face. He hated taking medicine. Not for any particular reason he just didn't like it at all. Necessary as the pills might have been, if it hadn't been T.K. asking him he wouldn't have taken them.   
  
"You're going to hold me?" He felt a little childish asking, T.K. always held him at night, but he wanted to be sure. It was the only time he could feel safe and he really needed that feeling right now. Daisuke didn't think he had ever been more scared in his life, even though this was probably one of the safest places for him to be right now.   
  
He needed T.K. to hold him right now. He wanted T.K. to make everything go away as well, but he wasn't stupid. He knew it was going to take a lot more then T.K. to make everything go away.   
  
But it was so easy to pretend everything was okay. Late at night, when he was still at home, if everything was quiet and still, he could pretend that his parents loved him and that everything was fine and that he wasn't alone.   
  
It was ironic in a way, because most of the time he hated being in the dark.   
  
Thin, but strong, arms wrapped around him and pulled him close. He laid his head on T.K.'s chest as tears he didn't expect to flow rolled down his cheeks and onto T.K.'s shirt. He had thought he had cried himself out a long time ago but apparently he hadn't.   
  
"Did I do something to make them hate me?" T.K. didn't reply as his fingers traced circles on Daisuke's back. It was okay though, Daisuke didn't want him to say anything just yet. "What did I do that is so horrible that it would make my parents hate me? It can't be that I'm gay can it? I didn't even know I was until a little while ago and they've been doing this a lot longer then that.   
  
"Do you know how long they've been hitting me? No, of course you don't. Neither do I. It seems like forever, but I doubt that. I don't think they hated me from the moment I was born. Because if that's the case then why have me? No one twisted their arms and said 'you have to have this child.' So they had to like me at some point in time, even if they hate me now.  
  
"You know what I said before about everything being fine and them just hurting me because they care? That is the biggest load of shit you will ever have the pleasure of hearing." Daisuke laughed, but no amusement could be heard. Only bitterness that would be surprising if it came from anyone else his age. "They've always told me that, but I don't think I have ever actually believed it. Not even I am that stupid."   
  
"You're not stupid period."   
  
"No, I just fake it really well." Daisuke looked up at T.K. and frowned. "Why do you like me enough to put up with all of this? I've acted like I hated you for the past three years, but here you are doing everything you can to try and help me. The one person with a reason to hate me likes me. Man my life is filled with irony isn't it?"   
  
"You're cute." T.K. said, meeting Daisuke's tearful gaze. His response earned him a tiny smile. "Even after you've cried all day long. You have the softest and most kissable lips ever." Daisuke actually laughed. A genuine, humor filled laugh. Exactly what T.K. had been aiming for. "You so sweet, you taste like cinnamon actually so maybe not so much sweet as hot, but close enough right?"   
  
"Cinnamon?"   
  
"Yes." T.K. said a little defensively. "Look, until you find a way to find out what your kisses taste like, you better just go along with what I'm telling you."   
  
Daisuke nodded, waiting for T.K. to continue. The blond tilted his head off to the side and smiled thoughtfully. Why else did he like Daisuke? No, that wasn't the question. How could he describe why he liked Daisuke as much as he did?   
  
"You've got the most annoying attitude when you're convinced you're right about something and you're far to stubborn to let anyone change you're mind. You're so bitter-hey let me finish before you get all pouty! You're so bitter about what you're parents did to you it breaks my heart to watch you sometimes, but you still insist on protecting them no matter what, so you're loyal. Disturbingly so really. But you're innocent at the same time." T.K. had to chuckle at Daisuke's puzzled expression. "You don't realize certain things because you've got a innocent part of you that doesn't want to see that some things and people might just be bad."   
  
"I look for the best in people." Daisuke said, feeling a little sleepy. "And things. Why be all pessimistic when you can be optimistic and yes I do know what I just said."   
  
"Didn't I just say you weren't stupid?" T.K. asked. "Because you said you were stupid and I said you weren't but now you're making it sound like I do think you're stupid."   
  
"Uh hu." Daisuke said stifling a yawn. "I'm tired."   
  
"I'm boring you already?" T.K. said, pouting a little.   
  
"Nope. This is very interesting." Daisuke said, cuddling closer to T.K. and yawning again. "Why else do you like me? And be honest, don't just make up stuff to make me feel better."   
  
"You make an excellent sleeping partner. You never hog the covers or the bed, which I know is hard to do, seeing as how this bed was built for only one person. Not that I mind sharing, because you're really warm and cuddly. You seem to fit right into my arms." He got a soft snore in reply. He had put his audience to sleep, but for once, he was glad to have done so. Daisuke needed some rest.   
  
As he moved Daisuke out of his lap and back onto the bed the last of what he was going to say flickered through his mind and he smiled. He laid down and wrapped his arms around Daisuke. "Of course I'll hold you tonight and every night for a long time."   
  
Soon T.K. was fast asleep, with his boyfriend in his arms. His boyfriend who fit perfectly in his arms every time T.K. pulled him into his lap or Daisuke crawled over to him, demanding attention.   
  
'Because I think that's where you belong.'  
  
  
  
See nice and fluffy, but don't get to used it because, Daisuke has a few more secrets to tell and of course he isn't the only one with secrets or problems. Plus the bastards posing as Daisuke's parents haven't quite giving up. Though why they care about their son I do not know. I think they're just afraid he's going to go to the cops or something.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Why I hurt

I wish I knew: What now

I wish I knew: Why I hurt

I still don't own, but maybe next chapter. 

Well, this is about three chapters longer then I'd thought it be when I started writing it and I doubt it's even halfway done yet.So, I have no idea what's going to happen next so there might be long spaces between chapters while I try to figure out A. what the hell is going on and B. why the hell you people like this. 

Izzy: It appeals to Daisuke lovers who are tired of seeing him bashed but still enjoy seeing him as a victim as well as those who like to see Takeru take a more dominate role in a fic. 

T.K.: Not to mention some people just love Takedai. 

Yeah…Anyway, on to the fic. And hey, we've got some senseless rambling at the bottom promise. Like we would ever deprive you of all the stupid stuff we say. 

Warnings: I don't usually do warnings but Daisuke is hearing voices in this part. I just thought this is something you should know before you read this, so you're not too surprised, and he's starting to develop suicidal tendencies. Yes, for some odd reason I cannot stop messing with Daisuke. So, Oko, I'm sorry. I actually tried to stop but it didn't go over too well. Umm…a self-mutilation warning and I'm just going to quit while I'm ahead okay? Don't hurt me! It's all my muses' faults![Runs away from Daisuke lovers carrying torches and pitchforks]

Daisuke blinked a few times then snuggled close to the warm body next to him. He still couldn't figure out why T.K. would put up with all of this, but he appreciated it. It was kind of funny seeing as how a few weeks ago he had thought he couldn't stand T.K. but now… 

_Now what? You think you're in love with him? How stupid can you be? _

Daisuke frowned and shook his head a little. He hated that…voice. It was always telling him he was worthless. It kind of sounded like his dad. He had been ignoring it for the past few weeks, letting it yell the same things it always had, but not listening. 

He would look and listen to T.K. instead. Something about the blond was infectious and it made him happy. He was happier then he had ever been just being around T.K. It felt nice to have someone worry about him and to look at him like…well it was hard to describe. 

You are stupid aren't you? He probably doesn't even like you. He just feels bad for you. Poor Daisuke, abused by his parents. Once his sure everything's okay he'll leave. 

*Shut up* 

Daisuke wasn't going to listen. Not to some dumb voice that sounded like a man who hated him anyway. It, the voice, was just trying to make him doubt things. T.K. liked him. End of story. 

I don't have to make you doubt, you already do. If you didn't doubt your little friend then you wouldn't listen. But you know it's true, don't you Daisuke? Of course you do. I'm just the part of you that already accepts the obvious. No one loves you and you will always be alone. 

No, that wasn't true. T.K. might not love him, but he liked him. He knew that. T.K. had told him so before. He remembered it. He wasn't looking for love anyway, just someone to hold him. To make sure that he wouldn't be alone until he did find someone who loved him. 

So you're going to hang around him forever? Be his little charity case and keep him from finding someone he loves because you're selfish and no one loves you? Some friend you are. 

*Shut up! You don't know anything* 

I know you. I am you. Except I'm not a total idiot and I don't have false hopes and I know, with out a doubt, that you will never find what you are looking for Daisuke. 

"Shut up, shut up, shut up." Daisuke whispered, not daring to shout which is what he really wanted to do right now. He didn't want to wake T.K. or MS. Takashi up and then have to explain he was hearing voices. Besides, telling someone else about this would mean the voice was real and that it might be right. 

Of course I'm right. I'm always right, you stupid boy. 

"No no no no no." Daisuke shook his head violently. He wouldn't listen to this. Daisuke sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. He pulled his legs up to his chest and took a few deep breaths. He wasn't going to listen he wasn't going to listen.

T.K. opened an eye when he felt the redhead move next to him. Ever since the incident with his parents last week, Daisuke kept having nightmares. (Yes, it's been a week. Time flies, no?) So he had started making himself wake up at the slightest movement from his friend. His friend who wasn't lying next to him like he usually did. 

Okay, that wasn't too unnerving because he could hear Daisuke's quiet breathing at the foot of the bed. At least he knew the redhead was still here. Now to figure out what was wrong with him.

"Hey, Dais, are you okay?" Not getting a response, he sat up and blinked a few times waiting for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. When he could see clearly again, he frowned. Daisuke was sitting on the edge of the bed, shaking. From experience, shaking usually meant crying. 

He probably hates you. Or he will when he finds out the rest of your secrets. 

"No." 

"You're not okay?" T.K. asked already knowing the answer. He put a hand on Daisuke's shoulder, but didn't get any kind of response. It was almost like Daisuke didn't know he was there. 

Yes. What's going to happen when perfect T.K. finds out just how far away from perfect you really are? When he sees how much damage you've done to yourself, with out the help of your parents? 

Daisuke whimpered. There were so many things he hadn't told anybody, that he didn't want to tell. He was so weak it was laughable. He was still in shock of the digi-egg of courage thing. He could stand up to monsters, mummies, crazy spider ladies, and lots of other things, but put one of his parents when they're angry in front of him and he'd lose his back bone instantly. He'd crumble. 

"Daisuke?" T.K. said shaking him a little. 

Yes you are weak and alone and small and scared. Everyone hates you because you're a phony. Act tough and strong, but the minute they all go away you break down and cry. They all know it and they're all laughing at you. All of them. You're friends, your family, and T.K. too. They are all laughing. 

Tears slid down Daisuke's cheek, but they went unnoticed by him. He was somewhere in his mind crying and shouting denials that he didn't believe, too far gone to care that he was giving T.K. a panic attack. The voice taunted, breaking down defenses he had put up to keep away the pain.

And with out that wall, it was all flooding back at once. Years of pain came crashing down, drowning him and he wanted it to go away. It hurt so much, but nothing could stop it. It just kept coming and getting worse. It hurt and he needed it to stop. 

He wanted to die, if that would stop it. 

T.K. watched Daisuke for a long time. The redhead had stopped moving and his eyes had lost almost all signs of life. They had turned a dull brown, nothing like the bright, chocolate brown he was used to. It was like has wasn't even in there, like his mind had left his body and left only a hollow shell behind. 

Now T.K. was getting a little panicky. If that's what it seemed like and Daisuke wasn't in there then what the hell was going on? You couldn't just leave your body it didn't work like that!

The blond started coughing loudly and he gasped for air. It was like he couldn't breath all of a sudden. He was being crushed and there was no air. The room started to spin so he closed his eyes tight. He felt lightheaded and he was finding it hard to calm down.

He could feel light and he could see it through his eyelids. It was the last thing he was aware of before he passed out. And he gladly welcomed the inky blackness; at least he couldn't think now. 

Next morning. 9 a.m.(About six hours later). Overheard in the office of T.K. and Daisuke's doctor. 

"Ms. Takashi, it seems your son Takeru suffered from a panic attack. But he should be fine once he wakes up. The only thing we have to worry about is what caused the attack and I'm sure it's fairly obvious what, or I suppose who is more appropriate, that is."

"You mean Daisuke?" 

"Yes, Daisuke Motomiya, a friend of your son's I assume." 

Short pause. "His boyfriend." 

"Oh, I see, well that explains it even better. But as I said Takeru will be fine." 

Frown. "What about Daisuke?" I do not like the way he put that. T.K. will throw a fit if anything happens to Daisuke and I'd hate to be person who tells him something's wrong.

Nervous look. "Well, it looks like he went into a self-induced coma." 

Raised eyebrow. "He put himself into a coma? Why?" 

"I have an idea, but I can't be sure." Deep breath. "Daisuke shows signs of being abused. Before I continue I have to ask did you have any idea about this." 

"Yes. His parents were abusing him, that's why he's staying with us."

"So I'm guessing you know it also looks like he's tried suicide on more then one occasion and he has a great number of cuts along his arms, which may mean he was hurting himself." 

Surprised blink. "Daisuke's cutting himself?"

"That is how it looks." Quiet sigh. "I think that the pain of being abused, his urge to die and hurt himself, and probably a feeling of guilt for feeling this way, caused too much mental and emotional pain so he decided to shut himself down so he didn't have to deal with it. Hence to self-induced coma." 

"Oh…is there anyway to wake him up?" 

"Usually we let them wake up on there own, because if you don't want to wake up then nothing we do will make you do so, but in light of his 'Situation', I think we can administer a stimulus to wake his body up" 

"And do you think, when he wakes up you can put him and T.K. in the same room?" 

"We usually let those with suicidal tendencies have their own room to keep them from hurting anyone." 

"They've been sharing a room the better part on a month and I know Daisuke hates to sleep without T.K. around. He has nightmares." 

Long thoughtful pause. "I'll see what I can do." 

"Thank you."

T.K. opened an eye then cringed against the light. Damn it was bright in here. Speaking of here, where was he? Big room, lots of light, white walls that reflect said light in a most annoying way. 

He was in the hospital. 

"You're awake." Matt said from somewhere next to T.K. He was sitting in a chair. Or more accurately he was sitting in Joe's lap in a chair. He smiled some as T.K. sat up and frowned. 

"My head hurts." T.K. announced looking around the room. There was another bed next to his, but it was otherwise empty. "What's going on?" 

"You passed out, Daisuke zoned out, Mom called the hospital who called Dad who's in Santa Monica taping something, so he called me." Matt said giving T.K. a brief summary of the past few hours.

T.K. nodded, not in the mood to dispute this or make a comment about his father being to busy to make sure his son was okay. "Where's Dais?"

"He's in a self-induced coma." Ms. Takashi announced from the doorway. She had been checking up on Daisuke who was starting to respond to the drugs he had been given. "Matt can you and Joe go down to his room and wait for him to wake up? I need to talk to T.K." 

Matt and Joe waved to T.K. then walked out of the room and down the hall to where Daisuke was. They weren't positive what was going on. But they knew that it was serious and that Ms. Takashi wasn't happy. 

"He's in a coma?" 

"He put himself in a coma." Came the gentle correction. "I'm going to be blunt about this and I need to the truth from you." T.K. nodded, a wave of cold fear washing over him. Why would Daisuke put himself in a coma? He could tell it was more then that though. Ms. Takashi frowned, he eyes sad but a serious look on her face "Did you know Daisuke has tried to kill himself?" 

T.K's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open, answering his mothers question without saying a word. Ms. Takashi's expression turned from serious to sad. 

"Well he has. More then once." 

"Why?" Was the only thing that came to T.K.'s mind. Other then that it was just Daisuke's tried to kill himself, Daisuke's tried to kill himself and that was hardly a productive thought. 

"You can ask him after he wakes up." 

Hum…well that's it. I have way too much free time and a way to creative an imagination. 

T.K.: No shit. 

Izzy: Man, I knew you were demented but this is new.

I'm sorry.

__


	8. How to stop

I wish I knew   
  
Don't own  
  
Ashna: Umm...well, my Takeru isn't obsessive. He's just a slut and a victim of rape. But, he isn't all obsessed with his brother at least.   
  
Oko: we can't kill Daisuke. That would ruin the whole story...wouldn't it? Hum...But the sequel...*-* Why are you making me develop a complex.   
  
Nya: Hey, there's an idea...wait wait...I think they're supposed to go to jail. Dammit...I don't think Daisuke'll let us beat up his parents.  
  
Lyrics: With you by Linkin Park. (Probably spelled that wrong but oh well) I don't usually include songs in stories that aren't song fics, but this seemed to really work for me. It sounded so much like what T.K might be feeling that I just couldn't resist.  
  
  
  
  
T.K. just sat and watched. He honestly hadn't moved for at least four hours and didn't show any intention of moving for at least another four. He was worried about Daisuke; not that this was a new feeling or anything. But he was worried, more so then he usually was. The stimulants Daisuke had been given weren't waking him up.   
  
The doctor said it was because Daisuke didn't want to wake up. Daisuke had put himself in a coma and if he didn't want to wake up no one could make him do it.   
  
And part of T.K. understood this and could process everything he had been told about why his boyfriend was just laying there as opposed to awake. But then again something inside of screamed that none of this was real. That Daisuke wasn't in a coma, his parents weren't abusive and, if would help at all, that T.K. hadn't completely fallen for his friend.   
  
  
/I woke up in a dream to day   
To the cold of the static, and put my feet on the floor  
Forgot all about yesterday   
Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore/   
  
  
The constant beeping of the machines told T.K. that yes, Daisuke was alive and that yes, there was still hope that everything would be okay.   
  
Hope.   
  
Oh, that wasn't ironic. He had experienced times when he was completely hopeless and this wasn't one of them. He was so past hopeless, but he knew he shouldn't be. That's where all of his 'strength' came from. The thing that made it possible for him to stay up late up night and try to comfort Daisuke, he got that from drawing on hope that everything would be okay.   
  
But now there was no hope.   
  
Fear; he had an overabundance of that feeling. Worthlessness; he was becoming very familiar with that one. Pain; he had felt that a lot in his lifetime, but this was a new kind of pain. That didn't change the fact it was there, but it was a different kind of pain.   
  
T.K. was holding Daisuke's hand. It gave him a chance to notice the contrast between them. Tan skin against pale as death skin. Long thin fingers intertwined with smaller, but stronger ones. Golden, silky strands and thick reddish-brown spikes.   
  
Daisuke needed a haircut.   
  
Daisuke needed a lot of things but here he was, noticing that he needed a haircut.   
  
And for the first time he could see the scars. Thin ones that were from Daisuke cutting himself. Another thing he had never taken the time to see. Up until a while ago he had thought Daisuke was fine, a little flaky very cute and completely oblivious, but fine.   
  
Maybe if he had see what was wrong sooner...?   
  
  
/A little taste of hypocrisy  
And I'm left in the wake if the mistake, slow to react.   
Even though you're so close to me  
You're still so distant and I can't bring you back/   
  
  
Worthlessness. He couldn't help. Why had he even bothered? Yes, he liked, he may have even fallen in love with, Daisuke, but he couldn't help.   
  
And it was eating away at him.   
  
Why couldn't he do anything? Why was everything so messed up? Hell, why couldn't he have a normal relationship with anybody every? And he had a lot of practice in areas like this and he just couldn't win.   
  
And that fact had never bothered him a lot, he had just assumed he wasn't the type to be with anyone for long periods of time. That would explain his track record anyway.   
  
But Daisuke was different. Everyone else T.K. had dated...or slept with just for the hell of it, they hadn't needed him for anything. Wanted maybe, but never needed for anything other then someone to sleep with. But Daisuke needed him.   
  
And maybe, T.K. needed Daisuke to need him.   
  
As weird as that sounded.   
  
  
/It's true  
The way I feel  
Was promised by your face  
Painted on my memories  
Even if you're not with me  
I'm with you/   
  
  
Tears, that had previously gone unshed, started to fall. Tears he had been holding back since he was eleven broke past the wall he had managed to put up to keep out all the pain he had felt. A dam inside of him was starting to crumble and he didn't know if he could stop it.   
  
He let go of Daisuke's hand and shook his head, commanding himself to stop it. Tears never, had never, solved anything in his life. And he doubted they would start fixing things now.   
  
But god, he wished they would.   
  
He took a few steadying breaths. He couldn't do this right now. Had to strong, had to keep it all hidden, couldn't cry right now. When Daisuke was awake and he was alone...then he could cry.   
  
But he hated crying.   
  
Hate...hate crying, hate pain, hate depression, hate the Motomiya's, hate hate hate...Blind hatred?   
  
Maybe.  
  
  
/You  
Now I see  
Keeping everything inside  
You  
Now I see  
Even when I close my eyes/  
  
  
((And now it gets confusing. Kind of. Just bare with me here. It'll make sense in a minute))  
  
Quiet steady breathing. Beeping of the machines let him know Daisuke is still alive. But something seems wrong. Machines are still beeping but there's no more steady breathing. Now it's shallow and labored, like Daisuke was fighting.  
  
T.K. looked up and blinked stupidly. What was going on? Was something wrong?   
  
Nurses, doctors, people rushing in. Someone was telling him to move. Familiar blue eyes, Matt, pulling him out of the room. Joe and Jun?...looking on in shock and fear.  
  
A daze, shock, life.   
  
Shattered.   
  
"What?"   
  
Matt held on to his brother's arm, a trace of fear of what his brother might do. "We don't know."   
  
Delusions, ideals, dreams, hopes...hope.   
  
Crushed.   
  
Tears, blinding vision. Denial...fighting.   
  
"Let go!"   
  
  
/I hit you and you hit me back  
We fall to the floor, the rest of the day stands still  
Fine line between this and that  
When things go wrong I pretend the past isn't real/  
  
  
Falling, hitting the smooth floor. Then up and running. Not sure where to exactly just away from here. Can't stay here. Out of the doors into the warm and wet night.   
  
Damn.   
  
This wasn't right. Running and heavy breathing. Chest hurts from trying to breathe, can't breathe, suffocating. Another panic attack? Probably.  
  
This was wrong.   
  
T.K. wasn't going to be believe this. No...Not dead.   
  
  
/Now I'm trapped in this memory  
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake, slow to react  
Even though you're close to me  
You're still so distant, and I can't bring you back/  
  
  
Bright lights...car lights. Horns, loud warning. To tired to keep running.   
  
Pain.   
  
  
/It's true   
The way I feel was promised by your face  
The sound of your voice  
Even if you're not with me  
I'm with you/  
  
  
  
  
Taiorami: Scared yet? No...okay how's this?   
  
  
TBC...  
  
  
  
  



	9. Why fate is so cruel

I wish I knew: Why fate is so cruel.   
  
Aww...You didn't really think I'd kill them did you? I would never hurt two of my four favorite bishis that way. (All we need here is Matt and Ken then we'd be set. Hey...there's an idea.) But no one died. That was just the sadist in me coming out. But it's all better now. I have thrown her into a cage of sorts and she probably won't pop up for a while.   
  
  
  
Damn, that hurts...maybe running into the middle of the street wasn't such a good idea. But pain means I'm not dead right? Or am I in hell where pain in supposedly eternal? That would make sense if I believed in that type of stuff...  
  
No, I hear voices. Familiar ones. Matt, Joe, Ken, my mom...so I'm not dead unless the world came to an end and we're all dead...yeah. But I don't hear the voice I want to hear.   
  
I want to go back to sleep...but I'm not really awake am I? But it was better before. Everything was black and deep, easy to lose myself in. Now it's kind of gray and I'm here and it hurts.   
  
I hate pain. Pain is the body's way of telling me I've gone and fucked something up again.   
  
"Still not awake?"   
  
That's the voice. Quiet and filled with underlying pain. Not a good thing, but it lets me know it's him. Gentle and promising, but with a hint of bitterness and the Doomsday complex. (You know, life sucks then you die? That's the doomsday complex in a weird kind of way)   
  
A soft hand slips into mine and I can almost hear him smile.   
  
"This is what you did for me right? Sat around and waited for me to wake up. Well I'm awake and now it's looks like I'm the on waiting. Karmic revenge. I worried you straight into a panic attack and now you're driving me insane. Or maybe fate is just cruel and we're the punching bags."  
  
That's almost deep. You should write it down somewhere. You know remember that you actually said something intelligent once...that's really not funny when you aren't there to say something back,   
  
"But if that's true then why the fuck is fate so cruel? I mean did we piss 'it' off at some point in time and just failed to notice the e-mail announcing that fate was now going to fuck with us forever?"   
  
Well I sure as hell didn't get that letter.   
  
"Or maybe fat's just cruel to me and you've gotten caught in the black hole that is my very existence. Wow...I really am depressed aren't I?"   
  
Yes...almost frighteningly so.  
  
"I think everyone's figured out we're dating by now. So much for keeping secrets right? So...no one else is around right now. Just you and me. And like a thousand other people in the hospital, but just you and me where it counts. Man I'm getting sappy."   
  
Yes, you are. But I like it. I can use it to blackmail you later and it's a lot more pleasant then you being all depressing and stuff. It was starting to traumatize me.  
  
"I heard you almost got hit by a car because of me. Because you thought I was dead, which by the way I'm not. Almost but not quite, my body didn't like all the drugs they were giving me so I rejected them. That's what happened, but I did wake up. I threw up for an hour afterwards but I did wake up."  
  
Obviously. How else would you be here holding my hand and talking to me? I'm not stupid...say's the jackass who ran in front of a car and stopped.   
  
"You shouldn't have done that. Because if you had gotten hit bay a car and died then what? You would have left me all alone and I had being alone and damn..."  
  
Water...tears, fall onto my hand. Crying again? I've made you cry...this really isn't my day...or days or whatever. I am such an ass. Sorry sorry sorry.   
  
"And I don't want to guilt trip you, that wouldn't be right. But I really need to tell you exactly how I feel and I think I'll do it when there's no chance of you rejecting me."   
  
Sure, take advantage of the unconscious guy, what am I going to do about it? It's not like I can yell at you right now...for god's sake. If you weren't so cute you'd really get on my nerves.  
  
"You know I already liked you, kind of. It just took me a minute to figure it out. But...it's like you've been the only person to really care about me lately and you don't criticize or yell or hit or try to hurt me. And I really appreciate that. And I just wanted to tell you that I umm...I'm in..."   
  
You pull away suddenly and you're statement hangs in the air unfinished. Not fair! I wanted to hear the rest of that! I know what you were going to say and damn it, I wanted to hear it!   
  
"Hi, Kari."   
  
Bad timing Kari! Not that I'm not glad to hear from you, but could your timing possibly be any worse then it is right now? No...  
  
"He still isn't awake."   
  
"No."   
  
Duh.   
  
"And you're watching him?"   
  
"No, I was just trying to find out how all these wonderful machines really work."  
  
No he's watching to guy in the bed next to me! Hum...sarcasm...maybe great minds do think alike.   
  
"..."   
  
"Oh, quit that! You've been giving me evil looks for the past three days, what's your problem?"   
  
You're giving my Dais-chan evil looks? Wait...Dais-chan...where'd that come from? And 'my' Dais-chan at that. I must be getting possessive. That can't be good.  
  
"My best friend's in the hospital and it's your fault?   
  
"It is not!"   
  
"He never would have been involved in any of this if you hadn't dumped whatever problems you had on him. First you give him a panic attack, then you almost get him hit be a car! Some boyfriend you turned out to be right? You've almost gotten him killed."   
  
"I didn't dump anything on him. He took on my problems because he wanted to, not because I asked for help. In fact I told him to leave it alone, but you know better then I do and you know that's the type of person he is! Nothing anybody could have said would have made him ignore am-or anyone else's- problems. That's not who T.K. is and you know it!"   
  
"Maybe that's true, but you still landed him here. First by being stupid and putting yourself in a coma, then by scaring the hell out of him and making him punch out Matt and run into the middle of the street."   
  
I punched Matt? I really don't remember doing that...wonder if he's mad at me. But what is she talking about? This is not the Kari I know, something is really wrong here.   
  
"..."  
  
Daisuke? Say something don't believe that! This is so not your fault. You didn't do anything on purpose! This isn't right. You shouldn't blame yourself.   
  
"Well?"   
  
"Go to hell. I didn't exactly wake up at three in the morning thinking 'Hey, who not put myself in a coma and see if I can freak T.K. out' nor did I deliberately develop some kind of allergy to the drugs they gave me so I could send my self into a seizure or something, because let me be the first to tell you that shit hurts." Deep breathe. "I didn't ask to hear voices late at night that try to drive me insane, I didn't ask to have parents that hate me, I didn't ask for T.K. to like me, and I didn't ask to be so depressed that I wish I were dead most days. Now, is there anything else you'd like to add?"   
  
  
  
Kari stared at Daisuke her expression cold but it didn't exactly reach her eyes. Formally bright and sparkling the crimson pools Daisuke had once obsessed over were dim and almost...afraid. Like she wasn't in control and she wanted out.   
  
She shrugged carelessly and walked out of the room, leaving a confused, tired, and, angry Daisuke behind. That hadn't been too unusual.   
  
And now he had forgotten what he was going to do. Oh well, it couldn't have been too important if he had forgotten what it was already. But now he got to ponder what was wrong with Kari. She had never acted that way before. Not even when he had been bugging her so much that he would have slapped himself.   
  
She had always smiled and tried her best to put him down gently. But ever since everyone, except Joe, Matt, Tai and Izzy, had come to the conclusion that he and T.K. were dating she had been acting real funny.   
  
Maybe she had a crush on T.K. That would be a good reason to be mad he supposed. But she, along with everyone else, couldn't even be sure they were dating. Whenever someone asked he shut up and refused to speak until the subject was changed.   
  
He had even done that to Ken and that was his very best friend. Ken knew almost everything about him, and the stuff Ken didn't know was the stuff Daisuke didn't want anyone to ever know.   
  
  
  
Bright. White walls...still in the hospital of course. At least his head didn't hurt anymore.   
  
T.K. sat up and looked around his gaze immediately settling on the sleeping figure that was his boyfriend. Daisuke was almost falling out of one of the hard plastic chairs and T.K. knew he had to be uncomfortable in it. He would have been anyway.   
  
But he did look peaceful and T.K. didn't really want to disturb him. Maybe he should just wait for Daisuke to fall out of the chair...no that would just be mean.   
  
Daisuke eyes opened slowly at the sound of a voice telling him to get up before he fell out of the chair. He blinked and his vision became clearer and he turned his head. T.K. smiled faintly then motioned for him to be quite. Ms. Takashi, Matt, and Tai were also asleep in assorted chairs and there was no reason to wake everybody up. They would all see that T.K. was awake soon enough.   
  
"What took you so long to wake up?" Daisuke whispered, a smile lighting up his face.   
  
"You act like I had a choice in the matter." T.K. said then winced at the sound of his voice. Dry and hoarse. Exactly the way everyone wants to sound when greeting their boy/girlfriend in the morning.   
  
Daisuke snickered. "Want something to drink?"   
  
"I'm fine." Daisuke nodded then looked at the ground. T.K. raised an eyebrow. "I don't even get a hug?"   
  
Daisuke was out of his chair instantly, much to T.K.'s amusement. Daisuke frowned a little, wondering if this would hurt the blond at all. Apparently his thinking took too long as T.K. reached over and placed a kiss on his cheek then moved over to his mouth.   
  
Daisuke smiled against T.K.'s lips before returning the kiss eagerly. T.K. pulled him even closer, he was almost in the bed with him now, as Daisuke's lips parted, granting his tongue admittance. Hands roamed freely as tongues tangled. T.K.'s hands were running up Daisuke's sides when he broke the kiss abruptly, almost sending his boyfriend crashing to the floor.   
  
Daisuke sighed and crawled into the bed then settled next to T.K. "What?"   
  
"Nothing." T.K. said biting his lip thoughtfully. "But is it just me or do kisses between us always end up with one of us in trouble?"   
  
"Err..." Daisuke scratched his head. It was true, as sad as that was. But that didn't mean he wanted to admit it. "Fate is cruel."   
  
T.K. nodded and pulled Daisuke into his arms. "That's what I've heard."   
  
Daisuke laughed as T.K. placed a few more kisses on his face and neck and his tongue snaked out to lap at exposed skin. Laughter quickly became a quiet groan and soon Daisuke found himself underneath the covers with T.K. smiling down at him.   
  
"What now?"   
  
"I wonder...are you ticklish?"   
  
Daisuke didn't get a chance to answer as T.K. decided to find out in a more physical manner, which, oddly enough, involved his fingers touching almost every inch of Daisuke's body. Not that Daisuke was complaining. Honestly he was dong more laughing and shouting then complaining.   
  
But it wouldn't be very discreet if someone walked in and found them like this. And he doubted this was the scene the other three people in the room really wanted to wake up to.  
  
"Quit...Gasp... that!"   
  
"Umm..." T.K. hesitated for a moment then shook his head. "No"   
  
T.K. was rather enjoying the sight of Daisuke squirming underneath him. Besides he hadn't touched Daisuke in over a week, he deserved a little playtime. And it wasn't like Daisuke wasn't enjoying this.   
  
"I can't breath!" Was the half-hearted protest Daisuke managed to get out in between his laughter. Okay so he was very ticklish. It wasn't his fault and T.K. did not have to take advantage of that.   
  
"Then you should save your air and shut up." T.K. said logically. Daisuke blinked and T.K. had to laugh at the clueless expression.   
  
'So cute.'   
  
Daisuke's expression become even more confused as T.K. actually did stop his playful torture and settled down next to him a content smile playing on his lips. Deciding that he wasn't going to figure T.K. out right now Daisuke moved closer and smiled as T.K.'s arms wrapped around him.   
  
This was what he needed.   
  
  
  
Taiorami: I had to add the quick fluff scene...don't act like you all didn't like it. Besides T.K. tickling Daisuke is a nice mental image to carry around for a while. So anyway fast-forward about a week and you'll have the next chapter. I'm sleepy so no more this chapter. And if anyone cares, the car stopped and T.K. just passed out for a little while (3 and 1/2 days to be exact)   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. Why people are so awful

I wish I knew  
  
Wow...nine chapters in one sitting. I can't even write three pages without having to get up and bang my head against the wall. (It keeps my muses on their toes)   
Kori: No, it gives you a headache and makes us question your sanity.   
So, you're just now questioning my sanity? Man you're late. T.K. and Izzy destroyed any sanity I had left.   
Mizuim: That is true. Can we just work on this story?   
Umm...yeah sure. I've got nothing better to do...except those five other stories on my profile...*coughs* And, if you really want to know where that lime scene I promised is, here's a hint. It's not this chapter, but it's before chapter thirteen. It has T.K. and Matt in leather. Why is Matt involved? Why the hell not?   
  
By the way, I have to dedicate this to Selena who said writing a Yamaken story wouldn't come back to haunt me...LIAR! (And no, none of you will ever see the Yamaken.) Hey, guess what? I support Jyouori. Can you tell I'm hyper today?   
  
  
  
  
Daisuke leaned against T.K. and stared at the math problem in his book. Ken had brought the homework he and T.K. had missed in the past month over to T.K.'s apartment so they could catch up on it. Ken had transferred to their school last year because after the emperor incident he just didn't feel comfortable at his own school. Plus he didn't have any friends there.   
  
"Why does it matter that X squared is equal to W plus Y if Y is equal to three and W is equal to 2 times Y? I don't even know what that means."   
  
"You're not trying."   
  
"Who asked you?"   
  
T.K. looked down at Daisuke who was scowling up at him. T.K. backed down immediately and returned to his Reading homework. Getting Daisuke to do his math was not worth having the redhead glaring at him all day. Besides, Izzy and Ken could explain it better then he could anyway.   
  
Tai wasn't going to be of much help because he looked clueless, Matt wasn't even paying them any attention, Ken, who knew the answer but didn't want to get involved, made a show of having his eyes glaze over, leaving poor Izzy to explain it Daisuke.   
  
"Uh..."   
  
Daisuke looked down at Izzy expectantly.   
  
"Well," Izzy smiled as an example came to him. "If T.K. kisses someone else,"   
  
"Good lord." T.K. muttered, knowing this lesson wasn't going to end well for him.   
  
"X squared times and that's equal to W plus Y and Y is the number of times he kissed you today, three, and W is twice that amount, then how many times did T.K. kiss someone and what is X equal to?" Izzy looked up at T.K. who looked mad enough to kill and smirked. Maybe next time T.K would do it himself.   
  
Daisuke frowned, clearly considering the question. "Eighteen times so X is equal to nine and W is six."   
  
"See, that wasn't hard."   
  
"Yeah." Daisuke said then frowned again. "And just out of curiosity who was T.K. kissing X squared number of times?"   
  
"But I wasn't-"   
  
"I don't know...Matt." Izzy said, already edging away from Matt and towards the hallway, ready to run for his life if need be.  
  
"What about Matt?" The blond asked, finally coming back to reality. His mind was elsewhere and it was taking a minute for Izzy's statement to register. "I what?!?"   
  
"There's something I'd pay to see." Ken said softly, not intending for anyone to hear that.   
  
"And to think, I thought Ken didn't have a perverted bone in his body." Daisuke said in mock awe.   
  
"I said that out loud?" Ken said, a blush staining his cheeks. "I must be spending to much time around you"  
  
Daisuke smiled and looked up at T.K. again who smiled back. They had been out of the hospital for a few days and had to go back to school tomorrow, whether they liked it or not. That meant they had a lot of work to catch up, over a month's worth to be exact.  
  
T.K. reached over and intertwined his finger with Daisuke's then returned to his book. Daisuke stifled a yawn and leaned against T.K. again. Man he was tired.   
  
He hadn't been getting much sleep lately. He was still having nightmares, some of them very violent ones that would leave Daisuke shuddering for hours, but for some reason or another he could never remember them in the morning and they were playing hell on his moods. Like getting frustrated with a problem he had learned how to when he was twelve. It was hard to concentrate on fifteen hours of sleep a week.   
  
T.K. on the other hand seemed to be dealing with the lack of sleep quite well. He didn't get much more sleep then Daisuke but didn't seem tired and he was still mildly cheerful.   
  
Daisuke had gotten ticked off that T.K. was so happy and had demanded to know what the hell T.K. had to be cheerful about. Life sucked, nothing was going right, and he was still having nightmares that made sure neither of them got any sleep.  
  
T.K. had raised an eyebrow and calmly stated. 'If I started acting like you how would that help fix things?'   
  
"He's asleep." Ken stated pointing to Daisuke.   
  
"Oh?" T.K. looked down and indeed Daisuke had fallen asleep on his arm. T.K. shifted Daisuke so his head was resting in T.K.'s lap. His fingers brushed Daisuke's cheek. Feeling eyes on him T.K. looked up and blinked, a little confused as to why his friends were looking at him like that. "What?"   
  
"You really like Daisuke don't you?" Matt asked.   
  
"No, I just keep him around for the sex." T.K. rolled his eyes. "Of course I like him."   
  
"No, I mean *really* like." Matt said, ignoring his brother's sarcasm. "As in love."   
  
T.K. blinked then looked down at Daisuke. There was a long silence then T.K. shrugged. "Maybe. Why would you think that though?"   
  
"Because, you look at him the same way Tai looks at Izzy." Matt said quietly, enjoying the blush that crept up on his friends' cheeks. "And the way Izzy looks at Tai." And the way I used to look at Joe.   
  
"What way?" T.K. asked, looking skeptical. He didn't think he looked at Daisuke any different then he would anyone else. But if Matt was basing his observation that T.K. might be in love, then maybe he did look at the redhead differently.   
  
Matt closed his eyes thoughtfully and tried to put the look into words. He would ask Izzy for help, but the young genius was too logical and love was not a statistic, and Tai had enough problems with love without having to help out someone else, and as far as any of them knew, Ken had no experience with love.   
  
"Like...he's the most important thing in the world and you'd go through hell and back just to make sure nothing happened to him. And you'd kill anyone who touched him or caused him any harm, and that he's the one person you'd run into traffic for because you thought he might be dead."   
  
"I am never going to live that one down am I?"   
  
"Probably not, but it does mean you care. And that maybe he's the person you'd rather die then live without." Matt shrugged. "Or maybe I'm wrong and incredibly sappy."   
  
T.K. smiled fleetingly then let his gaze drift back to Daisuke. Then the events in the hospital came back to him. What Daisuke had been trying to say.   
  
Was Daisuke in love with him? Was he in love with Daisuke?   
  
Two big questions that were not going to get answered as long as everyone else was around. He would have to wait until later when they were by themselves.   
  
"Hey, isn't your birthday this month?" Tai asked. He wasn't sure where that thought had come from, but it was there now. And he was almost positive T.K.'s birthday was this month.   
  
"Yeah it's...last week." T.K. said distractedly. It wasn't really that important. Yay, he was sixteen.   
  
Ken looked at his watch and frowned. I've got to get home. See you tomorrow?"   
  
T.K. nodded. Matt sighed and stood up. He had to go too. He had intended on staying the night but he should probably try to patch things up with Joe. They fight they had earlier had been stupid and there was no point in being mad at each other over it.  
  
"I'll walk you to the subway. It's on my way home."  
  
"We should get going to. I promised my parents I'd stop by." Izzy said already gathering up his books too. Tai looked reluctant to leave just so they could go see Izzy's parents, who were great people. But they were always checking up on them, like they were afraid he would haul off and Kill Izzy one day,   
  
T.K. waved at his retreating friends then returned to his book. He really had to finish this before he woke up Daisuke so they could go to bed and get no sleep.   
  
  
  
T.K. was playing with Daisuke's hair later that night. Daisuke was half asleep and his head was resting on T.K.'s bare chest so he was beyond noticing the long fingers running through his hair. But he did know that T.K. was well aware of his fingers tracing circles on his chest.   
  
It was one of those things he had told Daisuke not to do because it would make him a tease, which was really the only reason Daisuke did it. Well, that and the fact it was always nice to see how may different names T.K. could call him in one night, plus he got the chance to watch T.K. squirm in the most delicious way. So he was a bit of a pervert. Big deal.   
  
Fingers traced their way over smooth pale skin and around nipples causing T.K. to squirm and mumble bad things about Daisuke under his breath.   
  
"What did you talk about after I went to sleep?"   
  
"Matt asked if I was in love with you." T.K. admitted a little preoccupied with not doing something that would end up with Daisuke slapping him. 'Bad bad thoughts!'   
  
Daisuke felt his heart miss a beat and what he had been intending to tell T.K. in the hospital came back with blinding force. He had meant to tell a very unconscious T.K. how he felt, but now he was awake and there was a chance of rejection.   
  
Daisuke didn't want to be rejected by one of the few people he knew cared about him  
  
"And what did you say?" Daisuke asked raising his head off of T.K.'s chest so his fingers had more room to move. This was honestly a big game.   
  
See how long Daisuke could tease T.K. before the blond tried to retaliate. Then it was see how far Daisuke would let T.K. take it before slapping his boyfriend playfully, thus ending the game.   
  
"I said maybe."   
  
"And what would you say if I said I was in love with you?" Daisuke asked pausing in the game for the moment and putting his hands on the bed.   
  
"..."   
  
"Very articulate." Daisuke commented dryly. "Because I am...in love with you. Or at least...I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you." Daisuke turned an attractive shade of pink suddenly. "I'm not really sure what love is exactly. And now I feel stupid."   
  
"You should always go with your feelings..." T.K. trailed off at Daisuke's sour expression. "Sorry."   
  
Daisuke put his head back on T.K.'s chest and didn't say anything else. T.K. hadn't rejected him, but he hadn't said he returned the feelings. So, technically he was back where he started except more confused, blushing, and not in the mood to play with T.K. anymore.  
  
A light kiss was placed on the top of Daisuke's head and the conversation, along with the game, was over and all that was left to do was try and get some sleep.   
  
  
  
Daisuke made a face at his locker. What had his combination been before he got kicked out? His mind was too clouded with trying to cram a months worth of stuff in the 20-minute walk to school. It was five minutes to the bell and gym, which he had with Ken and T.K., and then school was over.   
  
Now if he could just remember whether it was five to the left, seventeen to the right, and twenty-six to right, or if it was fifteen to the right, seven to the left and twenty six to the right or...  
  
"Fag."   
  
Oh, for the love of... "Ryan I've been back all of one day. Do you think you could leave me alone until tomorrow?" Ryan Scott, the most annoying boy in the world. And a lot bigger then Daisuke.   
  
Ryan seemed to have gotten it stuck in his mind when Daisuke and Ken had immediately started hanging out last year that Daisuke was gay.  
  
Which hadn't been true at the time. Or Daisuke hadn't known he was gay at the time. Whatever.   
  
This of course was still mildly confusing. So he and Ken had been close and spent most of their time with each other. Neither of them had any other friends! Well, not counting T.K. and the girls. The older kids were rarely seen, hanging out with T.K. was impossible because of the mob that followed him around and hanging out with Kari and Miyako would have branded him as gay.   
  
Talk about irony.   
  
Not getting a response Daisuke turned around to find that, shock of shocks, he was surrounded by at least five guys plus Ryan. The ass never could stand up to someone alone.  
  
"I see you brought your fuck toys with you." Daisuke observed, knowing that this wasn't a good course of action. But being woken up at one am due to bad dreams, then again at four by Matt and Ken who, for one reason or another, ended back at the apartment, and then at six-thirty so he could go to school, was impairing his judgment. Lack of sleep tended to do that to him.   
  
Oh well, he was going to get knocked around anyway, so he might as well make a few smart remarks to make him feel better when he was getting yelled at by T.K., Ken, Matt, Tai, Izzy, Kari, Miyako, Iori, Sora, and eventually Joe for fighting. Maybe, if he got in enough trouble, they'd call Mimi so she could yell too. In fact they might as well call Willis and Mike and have everyone chew him out.   
  
Daisuke was so busy pondering this he didn't notice Ryan yelling at him. He had almost forgotten about the looming figures about to kick his ass, until a fist slammed into his nose.   
  
Ow.   
  
That was going to leave a mark. He knew exactly what kind of hitting left marks and which kind just hurt like hell for a little while. That was the kind that hurt for a long time and left a mark.   
  
And to think, he had thought his parents had taught him nothing useful.   
  
  
Taiorami: Is it just me or does Dais sound just a little bitter? You know, just out of curiosity.  
  
  
  
Ken, T.K., and Matt were looking for Daisuke when the chant of 'Fight fight!' came from down the hall. Usually, where there was a fight you could find the redhead. Why exactly Daisuke got into so many fights they didn't know, but the fact of the matter was that he did get in more fights then the rest of the digidestined combined. As long as you didn't count Miyako who was the queen of cat fights.   
  
What the found was not Daisuke in a fight, but Daisuke being mauled by six guys who were around Matt's size. And of course no one was offering to help Daisuke, that's not the way fights worked. (Not in my school anyway.)   
  
Now, there are certain rules that you have to follow when you deal with certain people. And beating up Daisuke was breaking a good number of these rules prompting T.K., Matt and Ken to join the fight.   
  
  
1. You do not touch T.K.'s boyfriend  
2. You do not touch anyone close to Matt (It just isn't done)  
3. Never touch Ken's friends. (Results could be fatal)   
4. Don't touch someone Ken considers family.   
5. See rule four and put in Matt's name  
6. Never, Ever, touch a digidestined.   
  
  
(Now that we all feel enlightened)   
  
  
Daisuke blinked and slid down the locker to watch the scene in interest. Ken, who was all but a pacifist, had occupied himself with practicing his long forgotten judo on a few of Daisuke's attackers and the redhead found himself feeling sorry for them. Matt, who was normally too cool to get in fights, had sent one guy head first into a locker and was now pummeling Ryan to a bloody pulp...literally.   
  
T.K. knelt in front of him and frowned. "Your nose is bleeding."   
  
"Thanks for informing me of that dear." Daisuke said rolling his eyes. "And why aren't you fighting to defend me? I feel unwanted."   
  
"You want me to fight?" T.K. blinked. "I don't know...I'm not much a fighter, no matter how many times I might have beat you up over the years."   
  
"You never-"   
  
"And of course I want you. I'd kiss you but your bleeding." T.K. frowned again then grabbed Daisuke's wrist, pulling him to his feet. "You should go see the nurse."   
  
"BOYS!" Ms. Knight came storming down the hall, causing the spectators to vanish. The look on her normally happy face promised death.   
  
"Busted." Daisuke whispered and T.K. shrugged. He hadn't wanted to come back to school in the first place. It was more fun lying around with Daisuke all day.   
  
Ken and Matt looked disappointed at the principal's interruption and moved away from their victims. Though Matt couldn't resist aiming one swift kick to Ryan's stomach. Ms. Knight glared at him and Matt blinked with wide innocent blue eyes.   
  
"Please feel free to explain." Ms. Knight growled.   
  
"They started it?" T.K. tried. He was still holding Daisuke's wrist so he pulled the redhead somewhat behind him then looked back at the woman who had looked confused for a moment then was mad again.   
  
"Really? Then why exactly are you the ones beating them up?"   
  
"They're dorks who can't fight." Matt said, wondering why he had even opened his mouth.   
  
"Daisuke," MS. Knight motioned for the redhead to stop hiding behind T.K. "Go to the nurse, you too Mr. Scott and Mr. Ishida. It looks like you've acquired a black eye." Matt looked surprised. "And you five back to class...well, you Mr. Doss can go to the nurse to see if you have a concussion. Mr. Ichijouji and Mr. Takashi-"   
  
"Your office." T.K. interrupted. "On our way."   
  
"You know me so well." Ms. Knight said, smiling wryly. "Too bad I'm probably going to have to expel you for this little...incident, you too Daisuke."   
  
Daisuke nodded, not exactly heartbroken.   
  
"And I'm sure Ms. Inoue or Kamiya will be more then happy to bring you your homework."   
  
"That's cold, Ms. Knight." T.K. protested. "And I thought we were friends."   
  
"Office."   
  
  
  
Half an hour later the four boys were waiting for Ms. Takashi to come pick them up. They had all been kicked out for the remaining three weeks of school. Not that they minded.   
  
Daisuke's nose wasn't bleeding anymore and he had taken T.K. up on that kiss. Ken and Matt had decided to time the couple, just to see how long a person could go with out air. They had passed Ken's very logical guess of one minute and were close to Matt's guess on three minutes.   
  
It was really a fascinating study.   
  
It was too bad it was cut short by what sounded like a noise of disgust. There was Ryan Scott, most likely waiting for a ride of his own with a bandaged nose. Apparently Matt had hit him pretty hard and it might be broken. Ms. Knight hadn't cared and had calmly stated that he shouldn't have been in a fight and to get his mother to drive him to the hospital.  
  
There was a long, long silence and you could almost see the violent thought floating through Matt and Ken's heads. Then the silence was broken when T.K. untangled himself from Daisuke, rose too his feet, and very calmly, with no evident anger, punched Ryan in the nose.   
  
"Mr. Takashi!"   
  
T.K. looked away from Ryan who was clutching his nose in pain and flashed Ms. Knight a brilliant smile.   
  
"My mom's here, so I'll see you next year."   
  
Ms. Knight sighed as T.K., with his brother, boyfriend, and Ken right behind him, ran from the school and down to Ms. Takashi who had been making her way up the steps to come get them.   
  
  
  
Back at the apartment Ken was feebly trying to convince his mom this was not a reason to kill him via the phone, trying being the operative word, meaning that he was failing miserably. Matt was silently cursing all that was Ryan and Scott and his friends while applying ice to his eye, which was beginning to bruise. Daisuke had his head in T.K.'s lap and was pouting cutely while T.K. applied ice to his nose with one hand and had his other hand in a bowl of ice.   
  
Ryan had a really hard nose.   
  
"I don't believe you four." Ms. Takashi said when Ken was off the phone and she had gotten permission to lecture Ken in his mother's absence. "You two finally get back into school and don't even last a day, you should know better Yamato, and according to your mother you never get into any trouble Ken! Honestly, what came over you four? Please enlighten me. I really want to know!"   
  
"These six guys tried to beat me up." Daisuke said eyes trained on the ceiling. "They're always messing with me because they've always thought I was gay." He moved T.K.'s hand and sat up. "Ken, Matt and T.K. were just trying to help."   
  
"Oh." Ms. Takashi nodded then glanced at the clock on the wall. "I've got to go talk to some people about something so you four stay here and Ken, your parents are going out of town tomorrow."   
  
"I know." Ken said "I was supposed to go with them on a trip to see my grandmother."   
  
"Well, you're not. You are going to be spending the next few weeks here, so I'm sure you can keep Matt company." Ms. Takashi frowned. "Consider this your kind of punishment."   
  
"Why is Ken keeping you company?" T.K. asked once Daisuke had settled himself back into his lap and their mother had left. "You have an apartment. You know, that you share with Joe."   
  
"We broke up." Matt muttered. "Don't want to talk about it."   
  
  
  
  
  
So, that's all for now. Just pointless everyday stuff. Most of my energy is focused toward not turning the 'lime' scene into a lemon. Next chapter should be more interesting. It involves a trip to the mall, Ken and Dais dressing up like girls, a dance club, and me falling over laughing at the pure stupidity that some girl hitting on T.K. expresses. Like she could stand a chance against Daisuke.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. What to do

I wish I knew  
  
  
  
  
I'm not even sure why I'm doing this, keeping a journal sounds like an awful girly thing to do, but Izzy did suggested and Takeru insist that if anybody knows how to deal it was Izzy. He won't tell me why, but he assures me that it's true.   
  
I actually went to see Izzy today, to ask him to go to the mall with me. Takeru and Matt went to spend an afternoon with their dad, against their collective will I might add, and Ken does have to go home sometime so he chose to do when Matt was gone as well.   
  
Izzy smokes, I saw him. I must have looked pretty surprised because he laughed. He says its something he picked up a little bit after deciding to move in with Tai. I wasn't sure what to say to that. Then he asked me how things were on my end of things, meaning Takeru's apartment.   
  
Matt broke up with Joe, and seems quite okay with it. He was seeing Ken after all, so he couldn't be too broken up over it. No one had really spoken to Joe.   
  
Izzy snorted, then decided to share a bit of information with me.   
  
The only reason and ended up together was the result of a one-night thing after Joe and Matt announced they were together. He hadn't even liked Tai at first, and had even hated his boyfriend for a while.   
  
I asked if he was going to go after Joe and he laughed again.   
  
No, he had ended up falling in love with Tai, which had come as a giant shock to him when he realized it.   
  
I told him I thought that was a good thing and he shrugged, and then asked me about Takeru and more importantly how I felt about him. Much blushing and stammering on my part, before I could form an intelligent answer.   
  
I think I'm in love with him. Yeah, I know I'm fifteen, sixteen in October, and maybe I'm just mistaking love for dependency and I guess I wouldn't know what love was, but…   
  
Izzy asked me where I got all of those ideas. When I said Takeru he nodded and put out his cigarette.   
  
Takeru, according to Izzy, was an overprotective asshole, that meant well and probably loved me as much as I loved him and all of that fluffy crap, but until Takeru was sure that he wasn't going to break me and that I wasn't going to break myself, he was going to try to hold me close and keep me at a distance.  
  
It suddenly occurred to me that Izzy was really good at this, like he had done it all before.   
  
And today was the day for secrets because the one Izzy old me had me running into the lamppost.   
  
He said when Tai's parents got divorced, and when they both wanted custody of him and Kari, and it didn't look like he was getting into collage, on top of the fact he was stuck in a hate filled relationship, Tai understandably, of lost it for a while.   
  
That wasn't the surprise, everyone knew about that. There had been a period of almost seven months when no one heard a word from him. I'm not too sure what happened next since I was in a nice little hospital room in Kyoto, thus far away from anyone who knew me, but when I got back Tai was fine, though he seemed a little nervous around Izzy, like he both anted to touch him, but was afraid to do so.   
  
This is where I got up close and personal with the post, because it all fell into place and made perfect sense and I suddenly realized why everyone felt so guilty about not seeing what was going on with my parents and me.   
  
When I think back, I wasn't hiding it that well and everyone agrees with me then wanders off to beat themselves up over it. It was the same thing with Izzy.   
  
Looking back I had seen the way he had flinched when Tai touched him, and the fact he had bruises that hadn't been there the night before five out of seven days, and that he was always asleep or too sore to move when we hung out at his and Tai's place.   
  
'Are we a horrible group of friends?' I asked, looking up. Izzy shook his head.   
  
'We just don't like believing that one of our own is in some kind of trouble we can't them out of, and that for all the saving the world we did that people are still like this. And in my case who would want to believe that it was Tai?'   
  
'But still, I should have…it's not like I don't know how it feels and how it makes you act.' And I didn't see it, and if anyone should have.   
  
Izzy shrugged again and pulled me to my feet. He started talking and lighting another cigarette at the same time.   
  
Tai had problems, or had had problems, and that had been a pretty unhappy time for Izzy, but if he had really wanted someone to know he would have run away from Tai the first time and told somebody, not waited for seven-months, over a hundred stitches, five different doctors asking if there was anything he wanted to talk about, a concussion, and a few broken bones to get through to Tai.   
  
It was strange because the worst Tai got, the more stupid Izzy felt for not telling, but instead of telling he just got deeper into what was going on until stopping it would have been worse then just going with it.   
  
Then it just came to a point where Tai took it a little to far and Izzy wound up with a serious concussion, a nasty cut on his back and a broken arm. (I had wondered what the cast was about) So Tai did the only thing he knew to do.   
  
He came clean with our friends and Izzy's doctors.   
  
Izzy arched an eyebrow when I asked then what.   
  
'This.' he made a motion with his hand. 'Tai and I, in therapy for the rest of our lives, and against everyone and our own better judgment still together. My dad waiting with a gun if it ever happens again, Matt prepared to have me locked up if it happens again and I handle like I did last time, and once again me, the wise old smoking guy.'   
  
And then Tai, who we had been waiting for. We had walked from their apartment to the collage and waited for Tai to finish his last class and give us a ride to the mall. The first thing he did was knock the cigarette from Izzy's hand followed by a very through kiss. When Izzy had to pull away breathless and a little giddy he smiled at me then said we had to hurry up, there was computer software he wanted to tinker with.   
  
'Yes dear.' Tai laughed and draped an arm over Izzy's shoulder. I followed a little behind them and wondered if, aside from a lifetime in therapy, they had a happy ending.   
  
And more selfishly, would I get a happy ending?   
  
  
So the mall. Ask anyone; the mall is just not my thing. It isn't like I couldn't go to the store around the corner from the apartment and get a notebook and a set of pens, but as much as I might love my boyfriend, I do not want to share clothes with him for the rest of my life.   
  
So I had to go shopping, but I did make it relatively quick. I know what size I wear and I know that my wardrobe has consisted of black, blue, and red for two years now. I just grabbed stuff that looked good and would fit and was one of the above colors, forced Tai and Izzy to hold it all for me, then paid for it. I was waiting for the semi-pretty girl behind the counter to total it up when this book caught my eye.   
  
It had a totally black cover, which looks like velvet, and a painting of a white rose set against the black. The pages are also black, but I bought a seat of milky pens to go with it. I'm not sure why exactly I go this book, or why this cover caught my eye then screamed by me, but it did and I did.   
  
It says wish book on the inside. Girly I know, but I like it.   
  
I've been thinking about Takeru since I got home. And I know there are more important things going on in my life, I don't believe it though, and I want to know that Takeru will always be there.  
  
I trust my friends, all of them, but I might love him and I know I trust him more then I trust myself and I know it's clingy and kind of pathetic, but I need him.   
  
And I want him.   
  
In a true testament to my intelligence and selfishness I never once thought about him in terms of sex until a little while ago when I woke up before him and he…had an erection, it's my book I can write that if I want to!   
  
It never occurred to me to wonder if maybe sleeping with me every night and the games we used to play weren't exactly fair. Since sex just wasn't something I was thinking about, I just assumed it wasn't on his mind either and that it was fine to tease.  
  
I guess I never thought he'd find me that attractive or like me that much or  
  
We don't play anymore. When we got back from the hospital, Takeru decided to go back to kisses and holding me at night, which a I greatly appreciate, since my nightmares have come back full force.   
  
I don't know. I need him and lately there have been times when I wonder if I would be ready, or if I would be disappointing or if it's even what I want, and I wonder what it would be like.   
  
So I want him.   
  
But  
  
I don't know.   
  
I would like to sound wise, or at least like I know something, but I think I had better end this with a few things that have been running through me head, in terms of wishes.   
  
I wish I knew what I was doing next   
  
I wish I knew that Takeru would always be there  
  
I wish I knew why late at night it still hurts to be alive  
  
I wish I knew why anyone would want me   
  
I wish I knew why my life is so fucked up   
  
I wish I knew what was going to happen   
  
I wish I knew when Takeru would be satisfied and accept that I love him. (I don't think anymore, I know it)   
  
I wish I knew when to stop trying so much   
  
I wish I knew how everything is going to end   
  
I wish I knew I'd be happy.   
  
I wish…that this were the end.   
  
  
I think I'll let Takeru read this later on, when he gets home. It would be easier to tell him in writing then to tell him in words.   
  
  
  
Takeru   
  
Dai, I wasn't planning on asking to read this and when I saw it on the dresser and saw that you were asleep I was going to shut it, put the cap on your pens and crawl in with you. But then there was the note you left in the front cover.   
  
Daisuke and Takeru's Wish Book? I don't think it's girly.  
  
So I read it, all of it and I think maybe you should spend more time with Izzy. I told you he knows. I wouldn't say they've had a happy ending, but they have an beginning they can work with, and I have to say the same for us.   
  
I'll let you know the moment we have a happy ending though.   
  
And I don't think your stupid, or selfish, and I know your beautiful and you have always been that attractive and I do like you much. I didn't mind the teasing, but for now I think it's best if we left things as they are.   
  
And when you say everything you put in here to me out loud then I'll be satisfied and maybe then you'll be ready.   
  
  
THE END   
  
If you wanna know what happens next look for the sequel 'I can Dream' or something along the lines of that.   
  
Wishing I've already done Dreaming is what I'm doing now, what's left but to Hope? 


End file.
